The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)

Rico and I love the D/d and D/s lifestyle, but there are so many aspects of it we can't truly live yet. Because of that, we've had to change the cliched versions of those labels and make them our own. But, that's what makes us as a couple in this "world" unique - not outcasts or abnormal in a bad way. We simply do it differently.

  • D/d
Domestic Discipline is different than D/s, but can be an underlying foundation to it for some people. And we are those "some people." I like the control, the boundaries, the security, and he likes to put those into place for me. When I screw up, I like to know he will put me back in place and help me to make up for it. Seeing the results is what gives him the motivation to do that. So, for us, it just works.

But then things get different and complicated. We don't do sexual stuff yet - won't till we're married. Which ALSO means... when spankings DO happen, they have to HURT... because all my clothes stay put. Think belts, dr*mst*cks , plyw**d.
(yes, they are curse words in my dictionary, *weg*). Since, even then, it's hard to make it count for what it should (usually has to be too quick), we use alternative punishments.

I know there are a lot of people out there who use alternative discipline, but not usually as the primary punishment. With me, that, UNFORTUNATELY, is usually the case. Back when we first started this, I searched high and low for different ideas for what could be used. I came up with a few results, and Rico's mind produced the rest.

  1. Lines
  2. Essays (Usually about my misdeed, or a chapter in my Bible)
  3. Letters (Apology)
  4. Cleaning (It doesn't matter if it's spotless, he can still think of something for me to clean; I now have a collection of old toothbrushes under my sink just in case.)
  5. Restrictions (Think anything from computer, to eating, to sleeping...etc.)
  6. Corner Time (A little imagination can go a long ways here)
  7. Time Out (Not corner time, but alone time in my room without access to my computer or any other source of entertainment)
  8. Self Spanking
  9. Cayenne Pepper (Another one of those imagination things)
  10. Soap (Haven't actually done this yet... amazingly...)

So, yeah... we have a nice enough variety there to handle just about any mishap. But what's great is that, like I said before, it works for us.

  • D/s
Dominance and Submission... once again, this obviously has to be different for us. How do you incorporate such an intense mindset and lifestyle without actual sex (of any kind)? Or even sexUAL play? Sure, that's not what it's all about... but I've yet to see another relationship without that side to it. The sexuality of it is what draws people to it in the first place. And to be frank, I can't freaking wait till I'm married so I can enjoy that side of it myself. *g*

But. We're not married, and we're not changing our convictions. So what do we do?

We rely on the psychological. I'm actually really glad we had to figure this part out so thoroughly. It took lots more research, but eventually we came up with several things that enhance the power exchange behind the mindset. The way I see it, if it works now, it will definitely work once the sexual aspect is an option.

A constant awareness of my submission is what keeps my head in the right place. The way I do that is by following his rules; and by my following his rules, his head stays in the place it should be. Should I break those rules, D/d takes over. So, basically, I'm either following the rules, or breaking them, and either way I'm reminded of who I am and the lifestyle I have chosen.

Our Rules.

  1. Obey him unless it'’s against the Bible
  2. Show him respect both privately and publically
  3. Always be honest with him
  4. Stay on his right side
  5. Ask for or wait for his permission to eat when I am with him
  6. Don'’t interrupt him when he is speaking
  7. Always wear my collar
  8. Refer to him as Sir or Master in serious conversations and in answer to his questions
  9. Don't walk away without permission
  10. Write in my journal every day
  11. Read my Bible every morning
  12. Stop using foul language
  13. Don'’t order him around
On top of those things, if he wants to, he picks out what he'd like for me to wear and/or my hairstyle/my shoes/fingernail color when he sees me next, and I'll serve him in little ways like fixing him something to drink, or his plate.

Anyway... there's more of a detailed look into our lives. I'd say we live a slightly alternative approach to all this [for now]?

I take it my Mardi Gras rant didn't interest y'all? LoL. I don't blame you. Having had my life, seemingly, dashed to pieces by people seeking fame and fortune through ridiculous politics, stuff like that just frustrates me. I'm frustrated at those who let the parade happen this year, and I'm frustrated with the people who are actually going to it. I understand the surface "why"s" - partying, fun, all that ... but it just seems like a risk I wouldn't mess with considering the state of things in N.O.


Yesterday and today have just been so wonderful. I've felt so much better... and just happy. I didn't think it was possible for me to fall even more in love with Rico and feel like this lifestyle is more perfect than I already had.
So far, I've watched Rico slowly change and become this man I never though he would or could be. However, these past couple days have shown me even moreso just how much he has grown. He's a completely different person than he was SIX months ago... much less a little over two years ago when I first met him.
I feel sort of bad that I had this underlying negative attitude about his character going on in my head, now. I hadn't even realized it was there until yesterday!

I have also realized how much it means to me for him to reassure me and help pull me up once I've failed. I need the firm hand and the discipline, but I also need the gentle hand and the unconditional affection.


Looking back over the last couple weeks, I felt like I'd become a hopeless failure (as I'm sure was quite obvious from my second to last post). Yet, I didn't want to give up; I just didn't know how to go on. Especially when I found myself deliberately disobeying Rico the other day:

He'd asked me not to do something very simple - play a board game while he was on the phone with me. In, what I can only say was, a moment of insanity, I played anyway. I'd convinced myself that he was being unfair and mean, so why not? Pfft. I'll tell you why not - because it was a pure act of rebellion and defiance. Only a few hours later, I realized just exactly what I'd done and VWAP - nose dived into that depression thing I was telling y'all about.

It threw me for a loop when he took three days to inform me of my impending punishment for that little incident. In those three days, my mind tried to play so many tricks on me: "you've disappointed him so badly, he doesn't even want to do this anymore," "he thinks it's not worth it, or working, and so your punishment isn't anywhere near a priority in his life right now," etc, etc, etc.... trust me, I could go on forever with the crazy thoughts going through my head.

Come to find out, it truly had disappointed him, but he understood how serious it was for me to be so straight up defiant and felt the need to consider my punishment carefully. Unfortunately, simply wearing my butt out wasn't a possibility, therefore other things had to be resorted to.
I was expecting any and everything to come out of his mouth when he finally decided it was time for me to deal with it. So, I had my heart in a place where I only answered him with "Yes Sir" and questions precisely for making sure I understood the details correctly.

One day of punishment later, I was still sure he would continue to be upset even afterwards because of the severity. To my utter surprise, he forgave me so completely and exhibited it so well that I had no doubts in my mind that this incident was in the past for good.

That same night, a friend of mine sort of invited herself over to spend the night. Generally, this girl aggravates Rico and he gets moody while she's over. In the past, it stressed me out and made me feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells keeping the two of them happy. On top of that, I was worried because I'd just finished with all of my punishments and was scared that Rico may have wanted the night for just us to be able to talk.
But last night was totally different. He was the sweetest, most awesome guy a girl could ever want. Then today, he came over and brought me a Coke (which is like chocolate or roses to me!) and has just been incredible. I know I'm not being very specific, but I have to get off of here in a minute, lol.


So... that's what's been going on and how come I'm feeling SO much better now...

I love my Master/Dom so much.



Why would someone subject themselves to a massive throng of wild, drunk and/or high people, all converging on a side-walk of maybe four feet on either side of a barely-legal-sized street in which there are giant moving objects constantly filling its small space? Not to mention that there are only about 1/3rd, or less, of the police officers that are generally required, and no open emergency rooms - only makeshift medical centers - in case something goes wrong?

Welcome to New Orlean's Mardi Gras 2006.

Just so you all know, it's nothing but a political gamble by the idiotic mayor of the city to have the parade this year. It's all about the city's revenue. Note the word "GAMBLE" people - I chose it specifically because we all know Louisiana is (or may as well be) the gambling capital of the world - it just fits the situation. This moron is taking a huge chance with all of these peoples' lives all for the money and the fame. New Orleans just IS NOT ready for something like this. In case you've missed recent news stories on the happenings down there - every time they try to jump into something they're not ready for yet, bad things have happened.

Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade was almost disasterous this year. That little float mishap on a larger scale in New Orleans will spell tragedy.

But there's also the chance that not a thing out of the ordinary will happen... Sadly, that's the chance this mayor is gambling with.


I've noticed that Rico and I have/are moving really, really fast in this lifestyle. Our personal lives are so drastically changed since August 25 of last year that it's quite shocking. That's not even six months yet folks.
Since that day, these are the sort of things that have happened:

1) We began to explore D/d together. At that time, D/s and M/s were entirely different worlds. The idea of discipline being a part of our relationship, however, was appealing. So, little did we know, we gradually began to sift through those worlds.

2) The sexual side of the lifestyles began to become clearer. Suddenly, the idea of Dominance, submission, and discipline being sexy wasn't so crazy after-all.

3) "Power exchange? What's that?" We learned about mindsets and the whole realm of the psychological behind this thing we found fit us so perfectly.

4) Rico began to feel "free" - everything about him began to become more confident. He understood all these underlying feelings he'd had for so many years at this point. When he got "free"... so did I. Submission - this concept I absolutely abhorred before - became a goal.

5) We started reading and learning about D/s and M/s. Labels became a very vague symbol; our lifestyle became one of our very own that was D/s with a very (loving) D/d foundation. M/s was still kind of deep for us, but we didn't totally understand it then either. We were still wrapped up in the stereotypical.

6) M/s became crystal clear. It didn't have to be what others had made it - it could have our own twist and fit our relationship the way we needed it to. Rico's Dominance and my submission were craving a more intense atmosphere; intense D/s bordering on M/s with that same (loving) D/d foundation was the perfect ideal. Talk about your lack of a defined label? Lol!


All that in less than six months. I'm not sure if you can see with that very un-detailed account of what happened just how major a change both of us have gone through, but it's HUGE!

However, there are side effects for such a quickly paced switch of lifestyles; as I've learned this past weekend. The side effect I'm experiencing is failure. It happens to everybody, sometimes often. But, going so fast, learning so quickly, changing so much, calls for LOTS and LOTS of failing. If I'm not careful how I deal with that - if I don't get back up on my feet right away and brace my heart - I'll nose dive into self pity and condemnation. And if I'm still not careful what I do, everything will build up to an exploding point. It also takes a lot of love and care on Rico's part to guide me through it and be there for me.

It took a lot of encouragement and explaining from Rico for me to get this tonight, but those are the facts. I'm going to mess up; I'm probably going to mess up a lot doing it this way. But it's what I want, it's what he wants, it's what we both really want. So instead of comparing myself to others (which I have a tendency to do), I need to do exactly what I said up there. I can't worry about if I get into more trouble and do things wrong more than so-and-so-over-on-this-forum-or-that-blog.

If I want to truly become a servant, a good submissive - it's going to take some breaking. But I have to handle it right, or failure becomes depression.


A good submissive doesn't give up, or fall into depression when she fails.


A good Dom is attentive enough to see His submissive struggling with failure, and is there with whatever type of motivation is needed to get her through.


After clicking a video link to a clip from the trading spouses TV show (that I got off of GoddessAradia's blog) ... I felt a major need to explain the type of Christianity I mean when I talk about it. To think that people are out there calling themselves Christians - who act this way - blew my mind. I mean, I'm not naive - I knew it existed. But to actually see and hear it, to that degree, with my own two eyes, seriously struck a nerve. In fact, it nearly broke my heart. There are people who see that and think to themselves, "I knew Christians were freaks[or insert your own adjective here]." at least to some level. It turns them off to the whole idea of true Christianity and stereotypes all of the rest of us who actually live the life.

Christianity is such a huge part of mine and Rico's life, and so foundational - even to the D/s lifestyle we've come to incorporate. I'm guessing some of you may not like this all that much, probably won't even read it, but that's alright; this is me; my heart.

When I say Christian, I don't mean it in the liberal, flippant way its so frequently used. No - not at all. In fact, I mean it just the way it's supposed to be defined:


1. Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.
2. Relating to or derived from Jesus or Jesus's teachings.
3. Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus; Christlike.

That being said, I do profess not only belief in Jesus as Christ, but that He is my Lord, my Savior, and that He died on a cross for me some 2000 years ago; I take the Bible literally, and live by it to the best of my ability. It's given me purpose and happiness beyond anything else in this world.

Sorry, I had to make sure that when people thought of me they weren't thinking of someone like that lady in that clip!!!

This would be that evil piece of plywood I was telling y'all about - front view and side view.

And so, another annual Day of Love has come to greet us... Before I get to that, and what my gift was (and what it is becoming), however, I need to backtrack and let y'all know what all has been going on with me.

First, the
fight. This actually happened last Monday. The conversation started perfectly fine, even went great for a while, and then Rico said something that ticked me off, and I exploded. I realized that I have had a lot of bitterness and hatred towards my dad that I'd started to take out on Rico. You see, the saying that girls grow up to marry someone like their Dad's (or the major male influence of their life) is actually fast becoming a reality for me. HOWEVER, like is the key word.
A lot of Rico's personality and good attributes are nearly identical to my Dad's and that made me stick the two of them together in my mind. So when arguments and fights would come up, I would immediately accuse him of being "just like my dad" and judge/assume things that just weren't true.

To make a long story short, I think Rico realized that he had to do something before I ruined our whole relationship on the basis of this fictional picture I had of him. So he told me exactly what my problem was. At first, I didn't want to hear it. But by the next day, it was starting to sink in and I really took it to heart.
Finally, I humbled myself and admitted that he was right.

Rico has never said or done any of the hurtful things my father did all those years, and he never will. He may be
like my dad, especially in the ways that actually appeal to me (ironic huh?), but he isn't my dad.

So that was the lesson I had to learn this weekend. I cannot take out those years of frustration and pain on him. He hasn't given me reason to, and he never will. Even if he
does mess up (that's just reality), I still can't throw him in the same boat as someone who has a lifetime record of purposely hurting me.

I tell you what, the man has become a genius at coming up with punishments that will affect me just as much as a spanking when he is unable to give me an actual spanking. There's one in particular I'm too embarrassed to even write about, but it sure lets me know how freaking serious he is about things. Besides that one, there was computer restriction, lines, and I had to clean a lot of stuff.



OK onto the good stuff. *big smile* For Valentine's day... I'd been thinking of giving Rico a day of my life (among other things, of course). Gradually, events unrolled, and I took the plunge. So, Sunday, I was his, for real,
slave. He says I did very well... but I did mess up once. For that, I had corner time and had to spank myself. But, once the day was over... part of me was so regretful. I didn't want it to end?

Rico and I have been exploring deeper levels of D/s a lot lately and slowly getting more and more intense. We've even touched on M/s and talked a lot about it. For us, this is a HUGE thing. If you'd have known me a year ago, you would've LAUGHED at the thought of me considering submission bordering and crossing over into, at times, slavery. The idea
repulsed me.

But now, it's blowing my mind how set my heart is on deepening my submission - even to the level of slavery. After talking with Rico, I decided I wanted to continue the day I'd given him. It took a good bit of communication, and seriously thinking, but we'd been doing that a lot up until this point anyway. Neither of us are sure of how long it will last, but we're definitely experimenting. I'm so happy??

There's so many major factors of our relationship that even make the idea possible for me. The way we believe, the convictions on things we have, our feelings and thoughts... they all, amazingly, line up frighteningly perfectly. Without that, I'm not sure (at ALL) that I would feel the way I do about this.

To conclude, the summary of this weekend has been the beginning of what is an experiment, but what could become a giant new step for us.

I'm back! Rico took a couple days off my restriction after he was able to spank me a few times with this evil piece of plywood he found... and he made me keep it "for future reference!!" ARGH! Anywayz, tomorrow I will post more about my weekend, why I got in trouble in the first place, and my Valentine's gift to Rico. *smile*

For those of you who felt the first part of Jack & Bella was too intense, this second part should be nicer; however - it does have a non-typical slant to it. If y'all like this couple enough, I'll post more stories in the future.


Bella knelt at his feet; her head bowed respectfully. Tears seeped from her eyes and trickled over the curves of her nostrils. She found herself, yet again, in a punishment session with her husband. It’d been a while since the disobedience incident, however, she’d managed to, once again, forget about one of his requests one too many times.

“How many times have we gone over this, Bella?” Jack questioned rigidly.

A cry in her throat roughened her reply, “Several, Sir.” She dared not lift her face to meet his harsh glare. Her heartbeat bellowed in her ears and her stomach balked at what was to come. Jack slowly began to pace a short distance from her humbled figure. He knew she was truly sorry; he even knew that she hadn’t meant to disobey him in the first place. However, he attributed her recurring, short-term memory to a lack of serious regard for the standard he had set. Clasping his hands behind him, he continued to walk every inch of the five or six foot parameter in front of Bella. He really didn’t like these serious meetings, but they had an obviously good effect on he and Bella’s relationship ever since they’d become a part of their marriage .

“Stand.” Jack suddenly commanded. Without hesitation, Bella raised her body to meet his demand.
“Look at me and tell me why you are here.” The shadows in the dimly lit room blacked his eyes out, leaving an emotionless cavern behind his voice.
With some effort, she lifted her eyes to him and began, “I’m here, Sir, because I’ve, yet again, disobeyed one of your simple requests. This is the fourth time in a row I’ve forgotten to write in my journal before twelve.” Her voice threatened to fail her, but she managed to get it all out.
“Apparently, you don’t think it’s important enough to be a priority in your life?” He stood stark still and waited for a reply.
“I do, Sir! I’m so sorry. I truly do understand why it’s important to you, and to me!” She answered quickly.

Finally, he stepped towards her and the shadows dipped behind his head, “Which is why, exactly?”

“Because writing down my thoughts and actions from the day shows you what I’m feeling. It shows you that I’m submitting my life to you and opening my heart to your presence.”

Dense silence invaded the room for several moments. Bella wished the hard, wood floor beneath her feet would swallow her whole. Glancing behind Jack at the red walls surrounding them both, she regretted choosing such an imposing color. There was something ominous and controlling about the darkness the room held at night. But, it sure fit the situation. A deep part of Bella was glad the physical circumstances matched.
She’d, almost stereotypically, been the spouse to bring up the concept of Domestic Discipline and Domination and Submission. Surprisingly, however, and non-stereotypically, her husband had taken to it like a plant to fertilized ground. He’d grown firm roots and a strong standing in the lifestyle within only a few months. Something she was, both thankful for and, at times, shocked at and even uncertain about.

Jack’s voice broke the quiet first, “Go and get the small hairbrush.” His tone seemed slightly gentler, but still held all the determination it had since the beginning of the punishment session. The thought of the small hairbrush sent shivers through Bella’s nerves. It was a black, short hairbrush, with a head no wider than an inch. Because it was made of thick plastic, used in a repetitive, flicking sort of way, it was excruciating. Though the sting only slightly colored her skin and hardly ever left a mark, the pain build-up could become agonizing within moments.
Not wanting to aggravate Jack, Bella found the implement and returned quickly.

When she went to hand it to him, he surprised her by saying, “Keep it, I won’t be the one using it tonight.” Confusion rippled across her face.
She wasn’t sure she heard him correctly, “Sir?”

“You heard me, Bella. Now, lay down on your right side on the bed.”

Slightly hesitant, she did what she was told.

“Pull your left leg up and keep your right leg straight.”

Still holding the hairbrush in her hand, she continued to follow his instructions and look at him quizzically.

Jack crossed the room and opened the closet. From there, he retrieved a thin, lexan cane. Rounding the bed, he stood directly in front of Bella’s face, “Listen close. I will not repeat myself.” He paused and waited for her “yes Sir,” “I’m going to give you a command. If you do not follow them perfectly, you will receive five strokes with this cane. Do I make myself clear?”
Bella stared at him seriously, then quietly answered, “Yes, Sir.”
“Good. I sincerely hope I will not have to use it. Don’t disappoint me.” Jack placed the lexan cane on the bed beside her. “Now. You will take the hairbrush in your hand and spank the inside top of your right thigh fifty times. I know that you cannot see, but do your best to aim for the exact same spot every time. Snap your wrist and make each stroke hard. No matter what, do not lessen the strength of the slap. If you must, pause and regain control. Understand?”

The shock of the order coursed through Bella’s insides. He was asking her to spank herself; with him there and perfectly capable of doing it himself. Humiliation blushed her body a deep pink, “I can’t!!” She exclaimed.
“You can, and trust me - you will. Take your pants and panties off.” Jack’s voice was cold and completely inflexible.
Anger and thorough embarrassment caused her to seethe a few seconds before she complied. Once she’d pushed her clothes to her knees, she kicked them roughly off the side of the bed.
“Now your shirt.”

The impulse to throw her blouse at him struck her, but common sense prevailed. Slowly, she dropped her shirt off the side of the bed and resumed her previous position.

Once she’d settled herself and Jack was sure he wasn’t going to have to persuade her to follow his commands, he told her to begin the spanking.

It took every ounce of self control within Bella to use the hairbrush to inflict pain upon her own, sensitive thigh. She reviewed what he’d told her about snapping her wrist and making the spank count before actually landing the first stroke. SMACK! Just as she’d remembered, that little black hairbrush stung like the dickens. Forcing herself past the mental blocks that popped up all over, Bella flicked the brush at her thigh again and again. SMACK! SMACK!

It wasn’t hard to keep the brush aimed at one spot, but the urge to purposely change areas was nearly overwhelming. Somehow, however, she fought it off and continued on. Changing the pace was the only thing he’d hadn’t restricted her control on. But it hardly mattered. The longer she took between swats, the more it seemed to hurt. Yet, the faster she went, the quicker the pain built up to nearly unbearable.
Forty eight, forty NINE, fifty!! Bella sighed wearily and dropped her head against the comforter.

“Now, turn over and repeat what you just did on your other thigh.”

“Oh please Jack! I just can’t do it... it hurts so much! Could you please just do it yourself?”

“No. This is about obedience, and self control. I’m not going to repeat myself again - turn over.”
A pitiful cry escaped her throat as she began to spank herself again. The second set of fifty was no easier than the first. This time, Bella noticed herself trembling uncontrollably by the time she finished. She breathed heavily into the blankets and closed her eyes in momentary relief. A warm hand began to caress her face.
“I’m proud of you, Bella.” She looked up into his eyes and forced a weak smile. Suddenly, she remembered what this was all about. Pleasing him. Her attitude became immediately repentent again. She recalled how horrible she felt over repeating the same crime for the fourth time in a row.
After a minute or so, Jack pulled his hand away and waited for her to look up at him.

“You’re not quite done yet.” He steeled himself again and watched as she grimaced and slowly became remorseful and sorrowful.
“Position yourself the same way, but, this time, tilt your body to where you’re able to aim for your sit spot. One hundred spanks to each side - just as before.” Sobs bubbled up inside Bella’s chest and she swallowed hard to prevent them from leaking out.

The first fifty were like the previous two sets of fifty as far as pain. However, by around seventy, it was becoming harder and harder to bring herself to flick her wrist downward. At one point, she nearly stopped completely. A sharp, “Continue!” from Jack pushed her past that edge. One at a time, tears began to dribble from her eyelids. By the time she finished the second hundred, quiet sobs had begun to push from her throat. They were mostly out of having her pride so broken to pieces. It was one thing to be spanked by Jack, it was totally different to be made to spank herself by Jack. Finding the strength to make her brain override its instincts was absolutely exhausting, as well.

Once she’d finished her own spanking, Bella dropped the hairbrush and buried her face in her hands. She wasn’t sure if her punishment was over, but she was sure she couldn't take actually spanking herself anymore. Jack’s soft, loving lips comforted her. He pushed the hair from her face, and pulled her hands down, “You’re almost done, sweet Bella.” Ever so gently, he pushed his arm under her torso and pulled her to him as he sat on the bed. Sitting her in his lap, he held her close for a short while.

Words seemed inappropriate, so after a few minutes, Jack simply laid Bella down over his lap. He made sure her upper and lower body were supported by the soft bed, then pulled her waist against his. He knew she was exhausted from pushing herself so far. Her body still shook slightly from the exertion. Holding his arm securely around her middle, he picked up the lexan cane and began to finish the punishment.

Instead of using the full length of the cane, which wasn’t all that long anyway, Jack held it about midways in order to use it in the position he was in. POP! The first whap of the cane caught Bella completely off guard and she cried out involuntarily. Ready to finish this punishment just as badly as she, Jack brought the cane down quickly. He gave her no time to feel the difference between each stroke. Instead, each streak of fire created a single blaze that covered her entire bottom.
Too exhausted to fight, Bella cried out and clenched her fists throughout the caning. Despite Jack using the cane in such an odd way, it was still doing a perfectly fine job.

Before she’d realized it was really over, Jack was pulling her up into his lap and flooding her face with kisses. The warmth of his touch, and the love of his strong arms, made her cry all the more.

One thing was for sure, there was no way she was going to forget to write in her journal ever again. It didn’t matter if that meant covering the walls in sticky notes reminding herself to do so, she would not forget.


Well, once again, I'm gone till Monday... *big, huge, sad sigh* SOoooo.. to tide y'all over until my magnificent return, I decided to post this story I wrote.

Now, BEWARE, this is kind of deep... very D/s with some BDSM. I've started a sort of series with this couple, however, and this was the beginning - so, you have to read it to get to know some of the background. When I get back, if this hasn't scared you all away (weg), I'll post the second story. If this one is too much for you, try the next one anyway; it's not as intense.


“I can’t do this!” Her voice trembled and threatened to break.
Silence followed her desperate plea, and then his thick, harsh voice filled her left ear, “You can! And you WILL!” With that, the crop in his hand fell like rain against the entire inside of her thighs. She clenched her teeth together and defiantly willed herself to stay silent.
She stood at the foot of the bed, completely naked, her legs and arms spread wide. Each wrist was secured to the middle of each bedpost, just low enough for the ropes to catch at the bed footer, while her ankles where tied likewise to the bottoms of each post. Being somewhat petit, this position forced her to lean forward and thrust her bottom out in an utterly vulnerable way. If she leaned just a bit more, her face would brush against the mattress.
Suddenly her mind comprehended the repeating stroke against her right thigh. She arced her back and groaned, although she kept her mouth firmly closed. It took only a few more slaps to force her to thrust herself, as best she could, away from the crop. He was hitting the same place over, and over, and over again! Finally she was sure she couldn’t take another lick.
“Please, Sir! Please! I will obey you!” Tears spilled down her cheeks and dripped between her parted lips.
The crop ceased it’s attack, and was followed by a warm, soothing palm.
“Yes, you will.” He murmured quietly as he rubbed the fire away. She sobbed uncontrollably now and hung her head against the soft blanket. His palms gently caressed her thighs, bottom, and back, before moving to her face.
“Bella... Bella...” He leaned across her arm as he whispered her name, then pulled her face towards him to kiss her deeply. She slowly faded into his mouth and hungrily returned his love.

He’d chosen this secondary name from a list of other language translations for the words “servant,” “bond-servant,” or “slave.” Because of its close spelling with the Spanish word for “beautiful,” which was “bello,” he’d decided this specific translation would be perfect.

After a few moments, Bella felt him pull away and she looked up at his face dreadfully. Just as she’d imagined, it had darkened again. His jaw was taut, and his eyes pierced her very soul.
“Why are you like this, Bella?”
Another tear leaked from her eyes, and her breath caught in her throat - causing her to make little gasping noises between her words, “Because I was disobedient to you, Sir.”
“Yes. You disappointed me greatly. I trust you to obey my commands - not to dismiss them without a care. But tonight, you will learn the meaning of obedience.”
By now, he’d walked behind her and she couldn’t tell what he was doing.
“Jake? Please, give me another chance?” She cried as more tears threatened.
“What did you just call me?” His voice boomed from behind her, and before she had a chance to respond, a lash of fire spread across the backs of her thighs. She screamed out in pain.
“Answer me!” He demanded, another streak of flames directly on top of the other.
“I meant, Sir! I meant SIR!” She replied immediately amid breathless cries. Whatever he was using felt as though it were stripping the skin completely off her legs.
“Good girl.” He patted her bottom gently, then pinched the middle of each cheek - as if to make two bull’s-eyes. The blaze licked each cheek, exactly where he’d pinched, two more times.
Another minute or two passed quietly, excepting her sobs, before Bella felt the ties around her ankles loosening.
“Kneel.” He commanded once her feet were free.
She did as she was told as quickly as possible. With her arms still stretched wide, she felt like a strange sort of crucifix. And here she was, paying for her sins.

“Pick up your feet, but do not let your stomach touch the wood.” Came the next command.

Hopeless whimpers escaped her lips as she slowly lifted her feet. The only way to keep from touching her belly was to arc her back outwards, but that made her feet more susceptible to touching the floor.
It was nearly impossible, but that was the point, wasn’t it? To see just how far she would go, and just how hard she would try, to obey him. She wondered if he was setting her up to fail - just to drive in the point that when she did disobey him, there would be grave consequences.

Abruptly, Bella began to feel a relentless need to urinate. Embarrassment flooded over her and she squeezed her legs together in an attempt to stop the fates. In her act to hold her bodily fluids back, she lost her balance and fell against the foot of the bed. Sobs flowed freely as she desperately tried to explain her predicament to Jake.
He listened quietly before saying simply, “Spread your legs.”
She looked at him in confusion, but gradually scooted her knees apart. He left the room, and upon returning, slid a metal bucket beneath her.
“You can’t be serious!” She screeched in disbelief.
“You question me?” He replied firmly, “Relieve yourself.”
Her face flushed hot with anger, but it didn’t take long for her to finally release the pent up pressure between her legs. When she was finished, Jake himself took a swab of toilet paper and wiped her clean. She was utterly humiliated.
As he moved the bucket to another part of the room, he stated, “You touched the wood, Bella.”
“I had to!” She answered frightfully.
“Did you, now?” He was back at her side. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted another implement in his hand, but she couldn’t quite make it out. “Did you also have to leave the house and spend the entire day with your friend?”
She bowed her head and looked away.
“I didn’t think so.”
The implement soon revealed itself, clearly, as it fell brazenly against her tender bottom and thighs. A thick tawse. He whipped her with it a good fifteen times before setting it down. Her cries and dramatic bucking let him know the message was getting through loud and clear.
“Now,” He said, a bit more softly, as he untied the ropes around her hands, “this is how the next part of your punishment will go...” Once the ropes were off the bedposts, he pulled her arms behind her back and tied her wrists there, “You will stay on your knees, and using nothing but your mouth, you will empty that pail in its proper place,” Her eyes grew as big as saucers and she jerked her head around to glare at him, “After you complete that task, which you will do with ginger accompanying you, I will finish off your punishment with the bath brush.” He paused and took her face in his hands, “Will you obey me, Bella?”
The resentment left her features, and the question brought her back to the whole reason behind this giant ordeal. She dropped her eyes and whispered, “Yes, Sir. I will obey you.”
He kissed her forehead gently, and put his hand on her back to push her upper torso forward.

He’d prepared the ginger root a short while before the punishing had begun, intending on using it. This new situation provided an even better opportunity for its use than he’d previously planned.
“Don’t move, Bella.” He said gently, taking his hand off her back to assist the insertion. Her fists clenched as he pushed the root deep inside her, and she gasped once the effects of it began to permeate her tender flesh. Without warning, Jake began to hand spank her protruding bottom. She squeaked in protest, but stayed completely still. However, he blew her mind when he, almost roughly, pulled her legs apart and spanked her most intimate parts. Every muscle between her legs contracted in shock and she let out a piteous whine of protest. She'd never thought he'd turn something, that was usually left only for pleasure, into an experience purely a part of punishment. Nonetheless, she kept her legs spread and kept her position. The further this whole ordeal went, the more she found herself actually submitting to it. She imagined that he reasoned she'd broken a level of intimate trust with him when she let him down through her defiant act of disobedience, and as one way of getting that through to her, he chose to inflict pain on an intimate part of her body. But really and truly, it was more mind play than actual pain. When he finally stopped, he gave her permission to move, then stood up to observe the next course of action.

Once again, the flush of embarrassment coated her naked body as she made her way towards the pail. Having no handle, she hoped, furtively, that she’d gotten no urine on the pail’s rim.
“Please, please, please...” She whispered, almost inaudibly, as she came nearer to it. A sigh of relief shook her body when she saw that it was clean. But, she then realized she’d still have to pick it up with her teeth and risk spilling the whole thing right on her face. The thought almost gagged her and stopped her dead in her tracks.
After swallowing every ounce of pride and dignity she had, she leaned down and gripped her teeth around the rim. Getting to the toilet wouldn’t be the hard part, as she could keep her head bowed low. The hard part would be lifting the pail and pouring it without getting any liquid on herself.
Tears seeped through her eyes as she pondered the facts behind the matter. All this because she’d deliberately chosen to discard a request Jake had made of her. How hard was it to simply stay home for a day? His request wasn’t a mean or harsh one. Perhaps he’d even had something special planned. Her selfishness had ruined all that, of course. So, here she found herself, on her knees, a pail of urine hanging from her teeth, a finger of ginger root hanging out of her butt, making her way towards the bathroom.

Jake followed her from a short distance, and felt a hint of regret at making her follow through with this last assignment. The idea had only just come to him as the urge to pee had overcome her. He knew it would get through to her, however, and that was the only thing that kept him hard towards sympathy. It was embarrassing and humiliating enough to stay clearly on her mind the next time her asked her to do something.

The heat of the ginger was beginning to make her sweat, and she clamped her teeth down harder on the pail to better deal with its intensity. Once she made it to the toilet, though, she knew she’d have to concentrate fully on the dumping of the pail’s contents rather than the ginger, or suffer the self-inflicted consequences. Somehow, she managed to prop the pail up on the toilet edge, and use her shoulder as a sort of support as she poured. Task complete, she turned to see a pleased smile etched across Jake’s face.
“Stand up and let’s go finish this.” He helped her up, then walked her to the edge of the bed. Taking his seat, he pulled her across his left knee. Knowing the brushing, over the previous cropping, caning, tawsing, and hand spanking, was going to definitely cause her some discomfort, Jake left her hands tied and pulled his right leg over both of hers.
Her very compliant, remorseful nature was noted as he picked up the brush, “Bella, it’s almost over. I love you so very much, thank you for taking your punishment so well.” She answered with a tearful, “I love you too, Sir.” and he began the last of her spanking.
Steeling himself for the last time, he spanked her clear past her sobs and cries, until her bottom glowed a deep crimson red.
When it was finally over, he pulled her up and laid her over the edge of the bed. Some more tender, sweet love then took place as Jack fully reclaimed his own.

All said and done, Bella still felt truly loved, protected, and very much back under the control and authority of her husband.


The ref's were so paid off.

Tonight, something clicked inside me. For the first time in a while, Rico and I were able to spend all day together. It was wonderful and not a single thing went wrong (well, except my fath... nevermind, I'll leave that for whiney-post-day).

Anyway, night came all to quickly, and the two of us were just relaxing on the couch. Both of us were pretty tired, but Rico more so. He asked me to rub his head and his arms as he laid down on a pillow. Now, at first, I was concentrating on both of us. His comfort and mine. But, eventually I realized that because of the position we were in, someone's convenience was going to have to suffer. At first it frustrated me. I wiggled and squirmed and tried to get in a snug position in which I could still rub his head and arms... but nothing was working.

That's when something clicked. I stayed still for a minute and just stared off into space. He was going to have to drive home, he was falling asleep, my true desire is to please him, his happiness was as easy to attain to massaging him for a while... I suddenly felt incredibly selfish and greedy.

Without another thought, I slipped off of the couch and knelt at his side. From there, it was easy for me to reach his arms, head, and shoulders. For over 45 minutes I knelt there and watched him sleep while I gently stroked his upper body. There was not a single sexual thing about the entire ordeal. But, as I sat there studying his soft breathing, ever so slightly twitching eyelids, and thick-gelled hair, the submissive inside me just bubbled over. It was, by far, one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done. I gave up my physical comfort to intensify his, and, in turn, I received a heartwarming experience I will never forget. To top it off, once he awoke, the smile he gave me and the grateful hug and kiss on the forehead... made it even more "worth it."

(I just wish I could always be so unselfish!!)


A good Dom understands the value of praising and rewarding; even the smallest words or actions are huge in the eyes of the sub.


A good submissive is truly happy to serve and give rather than bask in self-pleasure; which, in theory, is actually more pleasurable to that sub than selfishness ever would have been.




Mine is almost exactly like the far left pic. except flipped the opposite way.

Well, I went to the doctor today and... here's what happened:

For all of you who don't know from my
previous post, I was diagnosed with scoliosis a little over two months ago (scoliosis is when your spine curves to the side - my curve is 34 degrees and is a C shape in about the middle of my back). Anyways... to make a long story short, the chiropractor I first went to advised me to see a specialist because nothing he was doing was working.

The new doctor explained that the pain I'm having is from two things: 1) the curved part of my spine pulling the muscles opposite the curve in ways they just weren't meant to go - which in turn aggravates all the nerves that come off of my spine directly into those muscles, and 2) the curve is angled enough that it pinches the disk that's at its peak when I do certain things.

Since my body won't be doing any more growing, it shouldn't get worse - there are rare cases when the curve does worsen. Which rules out surgery, for now. (Thank God!) So, this is what he wants me to do - go to physical therapy a couple times a week for a while, then do the exercises I learn there at home and see if it strengthens the muscles and helps with the nerve aggravation. He prescribed me a stronger version of Aleve to take twice a day for a couple weeks and then whenever, but no hard pain killers. Which I probably won't even get filled because I've been taking enough normal Aleve and mixing other over the counter stuff that equals or even surpasses that already. I got the feeling that he was hesitant about stronger pain killers for some reason. I had family there and didn't really get a chance to say much, lol.

Hopefully therapy and taking medicine almost constantly for a while (which I never did before - only when it hurt really bad) will stop the nerve issues and help with whatever's all flared up right now. The one thing the doctor told me that was hard to hear was that I'll probably always have problems on and off. My spine is weakened because of the curve and that disk might really be a pain if I pick up something too heavy or twist/bend/move it wrong...

Also, the one thing that scared me the most was that if in three months nothing is getting any better, or if I just happen to be one of those rare cases in which my spine does curve more even after skeletal maturity, I'll be looking at surgery.

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers...

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