The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)
I take it my Mardi Gras rant didn't interest y'all? LoL. I don't blame you. Having had my life, seemingly, dashed to pieces by people seeking fame and fortune through ridiculous politics, stuff like that just frustrates me. I'm frustrated at those who let the parade happen this year, and I'm frustrated with the people who are actually going to it. I understand the surface "why"s" - partying, fun, all that ... but it just seems like a risk I wouldn't mess with considering the state of things in N.O.
Anyway.
Yesterday and today have just been so wonderful. I've felt so much better... and just happy. I didn't think it was possible for me to fall even more in love with Rico and feel like this lifestyle is more perfect than I already had.
So far, I've watched Rico slowly change and become this man I never though he would or could be. However, these past couple days have shown me even moreso just how much he has grown. He's a completely different person than he was SIX months ago... much less a little over two years ago when I first met him.
I feel sort of bad that I had this underlying negative attitude about his character going on in my head, now. I hadn't even realized it was there until yesterday!
I have also realized how much it means to me for him to reassure me and help pull me up once I've failed. I need the firm hand and the discipline, but I also need the gentle hand and the unconditional affection.
~~~
Looking back over the last couple weeks, I felt like I'd become a hopeless failure (as I'm sure was quite obvious from my second to last post). Yet, I didn't want to give up; I just didn't know how to go on. Especially when I found myself deliberately disobeying Rico the other day:
He'd asked me not to do something very simple - play a board game while he was on the phone with me. In, what I can only say was, a moment of insanity, I played anyway. I'd convinced myself that he was being unfair and mean, so why not? Pfft. I'll tell you why not - because it was a pure act of rebellion and defiance. Only a few hours later, I realized just exactly what I'd done and VWAP - nose dived into that depression thing I was telling y'all about.
It threw me for a loop when he took three days to inform me of my impending punishment for that little incident. In those three days, my mind tried to play so many tricks on me: "you've disappointed him so badly, he doesn't even want to do this anymore," "he thinks it's not worth it, or working, and so your punishment isn't anywhere near a priority in his life right now," etc, etc, etc.... trust me, I could go on forever with the crazy thoughts going through my head.
Come to find out, it truly had disappointed him, but he understood how serious it was for me to be so straight up defiant and felt the need to consider my punishment carefully. Unfortunately, simply wearing my butt out wasn't a possibility, therefore other things had to be resorted to.
I was expecting any and everything to come out of his mouth when he finally decided it was time for me to deal with it. So, I had my heart in a place where I only answered him with "Yes Sir" and questions precisely for making sure I understood the details correctly.
One day of punishment later, I was still sure he would continue to be upset even afterwards because of the severity. To my utter surprise, he forgave me so completely and exhibited it so well that I had no doubts in my mind that this incident was in the past for good.
That same night, a friend of mine sort of invited herself over to spend the night. Generally, this girl aggravates Rico and he gets moody while she's over. In the past, it stressed me out and made me feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells keeping the two of them happy. On top of that, I was worried because I'd just finished with all of my punishments and was scared that Rico may have wanted the night for just us to be able to talk.
But last night was totally different. He was the sweetest, most awesome guy a girl could ever want. Then today, he came over and brought me a Coke (which is like chocolate or roses to me!) and has just been incredible. I know I'm not being very specific, but I have to get off of here in a minute, lol.
~~~
So... that's what's been going on and how come I'm feeling SO much better now...
I love my Master/Dom so much.
About me
- rivka
- The South, United States
- My profile
In Dreams
"And in dreams I am free
falling into what is not;
what will be what is.
It's this intense hatred
for reality twisted
in an obsession of hope
Defy the stagnant
life that speaks only
what can be but wills not.
God's grace,
not my self fear
of what I think
I cannot be."
-rivka
Blogs I Like
- Loving DD
- Spanking Bethie
- Wheelsucker (Jo's Blog)
- Joannie Writes
- Sue's Place
- Bottom Smarts (Bonnie's Blog)
- Life In Motion
- Chris's Blog (Sparkle's husband)
- Caia's Journey
- RandC Personal Correction
- My Spanko Diary
- Pieces (SarAdora's Blog)
- Susie A's Journal
- Whisperings Of My Soul
- Leah's Blog
- Christian Domestic Discipline
- The Spanked Wife
- Head of House
- Spanking Good Time (Tiggr)
- Bliatz
- Dave and Am
- Domestic Discipline Diary
- Cease Resistance:Spanking Ree Again
- The Enchanted Palms Blog (Lenora's Blog)
- SarAdora's Spanking Erotica
- Fiction In Motion
D/d & Spanking
D/s - Submission
Other Stuff
Previous posts
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