The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)

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The Alternative[s]

Published Friday, February 24, 2006 by rivka | E-mail this post

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Rico and I love the D/d and D/s lifestyle, but there are so many aspects of it we can't truly live yet. Because of that, we've had to change the cliched versions of those labels and make them our own. But, that's what makes us as a couple in this "world" unique - not outcasts or abnormal in a bad way. We simply do it differently.
  • D/d
Domestic Discipline is different than D/s, but can be an underlying foundation to it for some people. And we are those "some people." I like the control, the boundaries, the security, and he likes to put those into place for me. When I screw up, I like to know he will put me back in place and help me to make up for it. Seeing the results is what gives him the motivation to do that. So, for us, it just works.

But then things get different and complicated. We don't do sexual stuff yet - won't till we're married. Which ALSO means... when spankings DO happen, they have to HURT... because all my clothes stay put. Think belts, dr*mst*cks , plyw**d. (yes, they are curse words in my dictionary, *weg*). Since, even then, it's hard to make it count for what it should (usually has to be too quick), we use alternative punishments.

I know there are a lot of people out there who use alternative discipline, but not usually as the primary punishment. With me, that, UNFORTUNATELY, is usually the case. Back when we first started this, I searched high and low for different ideas for what could be used. I came up with a few results, and Rico's mind produced the rest.
  1. Lines
  2. Essays (Usually about my misdeed, or a chapter in my Bible)
  3. Letters (Apology)
  4. Cleaning (It doesn't matter if it's spotless, he can still think of something for me to clean; I now have a collection of old toothbrushes under my sink just in case.)
  5. Restrictions (Think anything from computer, to eating, to sleeping...etc.)
  6. Corner Time (A little imagination can go a long ways here)
  7. Time Out (Not corner time, but alone time in my room without access to my computer or any other source of entertainment)
  8. Self Spanking
  9. Cayenne Pepper (Another one of those imagination things)
  10. Soap (Haven't actually done this yet... amazingly...)

So, yeah... we have a nice enough variety there to handle just about any mishap. But what's great is that, like I said before, it works for us.
  • D/s
Dominance and Submission... once again, this obviously has to be different for us. How do you incorporate such an intense mindset and lifestyle without actual sex (of any kind)? Or even sexUAL play? Sure, that's not what it's all about... but I've yet to see another relationship without that side to it. The sexuality of it is what draws people to it in the first place. And to be frank, I can't freaking wait till I'm married so I can enjoy that side of it myself. *g*

But. We're not married, and we're not changing our convictions. So what do we do?

We rely on the psychological. I'm actually really glad we had to figure this part out so thoroughly. It took lots more research, but eventually we came up with several things that enhance the power exchange behind the mindset. The way I see it, if it works now, it will definitely work once the sexual aspect is an option.

A constant awareness of my submission is what keeps my head in the right place. The way I do that is by following his rules; and by my following his rules, his head stays in the place it should be. Should I break those rules, D/d takes over. So, basically, I'm either following the rules, or breaking them, and either way I'm reminded of who I am and the lifestyle I have chosen.

Our Rules.
  1. Obey him unless it'’s against the Bible
  2. Show him respect both privately and publically
  3. Always be honest with him
  4. Stay on his right side
  5. Ask for or wait for his permission to eat when I am with him
  6. Don'’t interrupt him when he is speaking
  7. Always wear my collar
  8. Refer to him as Sir or Master in serious conversations and in answer to his questions
  9. Don't walk away without permission
  10. Write in my journal every day
  11. Read my Bible every morning
  12. Stop using foul language
  13. Don'’t order him around
On top of those things, if he wants to, he picks out what he'd like for me to wear and/or my hairstyle/my shoes/fingernail color when he sees me next, and I'll serve him in little ways like fixing him something to drink, or his plate.

Anyway... there's more of a detailed look into our lives. I'd say we live a slightly alternative approach to all this [for now]?

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About me

  • Intro (with up-to-date edits)

    • In Dreams

    "And in dreams I am free
    falling into what is not;
    what will be what is.

    It's this intense hatred
    for reality twisted
    in an obsession of hope

    Defy the stagnant
    life that speaks only
    what can be but wills not.

    God's grace,
    not my self fear
    of what I think I cannot be."

    -rivka

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