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Happy Valentine's Day!

Published Tuesday, February 14, 2006 by rivka | E-mail this post

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This would be that evil piece of plywood I was telling y'all about - front view and side view.

And so, another annual Day of Love has come to greet us... Before I get to that, and what my gift was (and what it is becoming), however, I need to backtrack and let y'all know what all has been going on with me.

First, the fight. This actually happened last Monday. The conversation started perfectly fine, even went great for a while, and then Rico said something that ticked me off, and I exploded. I realized that I have had a lot of bitterness and hatred towards my dad that I'd started to take out on Rico. You see, the saying that girls grow up to marry someone like their Dad's (or the major male influence of their life) is actually fast becoming a reality for me. HOWEVER, like is the key word.
A lot of Rico's personality and good attributes are nearly identical to my Dad's and that made me stick the two of them together in my mind. So when arguments and fights would come up, I would immediately accuse him of being "just like my dad" and judge/assume things that just weren't true.

To make a long story short, I think Rico realized that he had to do something before I ruined our whole relationship on the basis of this fictional picture I had of him. So he told me exactly what my problem was. At first, I didn't want to hear it. But by the next day, it was starting to sink in and I really took it to heart. Finally, I humbled myself and admitted that he was right.

Rico has never said or done any of the hurtful things my father did all those years, and he never will. He may be like my dad, especially in the ways that actually appeal to me (ironic huh?), but he isn't my dad.

So that was the lesson I had to learn this weekend. I cannot take out those years of frustration and pain on him. He hasn't given me reason to, and he never will. Even if he does mess up (that's just reality), I still can't throw him in the same boat as someone who has a lifetime record of purposely hurting me.

I tell you what, the man has become a genius at coming up with punishments that will affect me just as much as a spanking when he is unable to give me an actual spanking. There's one in particular I'm too embarrassed to even write about, but it sure lets me know how freaking serious he is about things. Besides that one, there was computer restriction, lines, and I had to clean a lot of stuff.

~~~


~~~

OK onto the good stuff. *big smile* For Valentine's day... I'd been thinking of giving Rico a day of my life (among other things, of course). Gradually, events unrolled, and I took the plunge. So, Sunday, I was his, for real, slave. He says I did very well... but I did mess up once. For that, I had corner time and had to spank myself. But, once the day was over... part of me was so regretful. I didn't want it to end?

Rico and I have been exploring deeper levels of D/s a lot lately and slowly getting more and more intense. We've even touched on M/s and talked a lot about it. For us, this is a HUGE thing. If you'd have known me a year ago, you would've LAUGHED at the thought of me considering submission bordering and crossing over into, at times, slavery. The idea repulsed me.

But now, it's blowing my mind how set my heart is on deepening my submission - even to the level of slavery. After talking with Rico, I decided I wanted to continue the day I'd given him. It took a good bit of communication, and seriously thinking, but we'd been doing that a lot up until this point anyway. Neither of us are sure of how long it will last, but we're definitely experimenting. I'm so happy??

There's so many major factors of our relationship that even make the idea possible for me. The way we believe, the convictions on things we have, our feelings and thoughts... they all, amazingly, line up frighteningly perfectly. Without that, I'm not sure (at ALL) that I would feel the way I do about this.

To conclude, the summary of this weekend has been the beginning of what is an experiment, but what could become a giant new step for us.

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About me

  • Intro (with up-to-date edits)

    • In Dreams

    "And in dreams I am free
    falling into what is not;
    what will be what is.

    It's this intense hatred
    for reality twisted
    in an obsession of hope

    Defy the stagnant
    life that speaks only
    what can be but wills not.

    God's grace,
    not my self fear
    of what I think I cannot be."

    -rivka

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