The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)
I think that if love at first site is real, Rico and I had an almost-love-at-first site experience. Maybe because his parents had been bragging to both of us about each other (yes, trying to set us up) for the past six months, maybe because we were both immediately attracted physically, or maybe it was just fate... but either way, we definitely hit it off.
While I had been raised in church and lived a sheltered life, Rico had grown up the exact opposite. His parents were drug addicts who'd abandoned him during middle school through the first two years of highschool, which, in turn, left him to raise his younger brother and learn about life on his own. Living with his friends for the most part, he partied, got high, and lived it up to push reality from his mind.
Then, his parents suddenly did a complete 180. Not only did they get their lives straight, but they started to live for Jesus - for real. It took a long time for Rico to believe it wasn't just another game, but eventually he decided to give life with them, and actually having a family, a shot. It started with a picture of me; he wanted to meet me. That led to him having to meet my family and our church.
After meeting me, and seeing that there was an alternative to the craziness he grew up around, he made a heart-change as well. I wasn't sure how real it was at first, but that didn't stop me falling face first in love with him. I didn't think it was possible after what all had happened. In fact, as far as I knew, I was turned off to guys completely.
But then he kissed me on the stairwell. Whoa. Is THAT what a kiss is supposed to be like? It was soft, gentle, sweet, and I didn't have saliva dripping down my chin afterwards! I was so shocked that I just stood there and stared at him. I didn't kiss him back, I didn't even move. He smiled, I couldn't help but grin stupidedly back at him, and then he ran up the stairs before someone walked up on us.
I can't even begin to explain to you the chaos of emotions the whole situation elicited inside me. I felt STUPID. There was no way on God's green earth I was about to let it happen again... just no way. Yet, there I was, grinning like a retard-on-crack [I don't mean anything by that] over a kiss. *sighs*
And so, I fell for him. One month after I met him, I found myself crouching in front of him with my hands in his, expressing the crazy emotions I was feeling. He sat there and stared directly into my eyes. There was something in those eyes that was different. It wasn't fake. It wasn't cold. It was genuine.
"I've never felt this way before..." I whispered, my eyes on the floor.
"Me neither."
So simple, yet so utterly true.
Before Rico entered my life, I truly hadn't realized just how depressed and out of it I was. We helped each other in so many ways... while he was finding Jesus for the first time, I was re-finding Him myself. Despite our vastly different backgrounds, the root problems we each had to deal with led us to cling to one another even more. Clinging so exclusively that I believe we skipped over the stereotypical beginning relationship problems people have to deal with. We had to fast forward straight to the core - the things that truly mattered.
It didn't take long for the effects of my previous troubles to start showing up. There were the little things, like not knowing how to kiss. But then there were the big things, like not knowing how to communicate worth a dime, getting panicky when he showed even the remotest signs of displeasure, pulling away from physical touch (even tight hugs), and not trusting him at all. The effects still haunt me. I just recently got past comparing him to my dad, and we've been together for over two years.
But I am so blessed because after only a year and a half, we were to a place in our relationship where I was able to tell him anything. Because of the way I was when we met, it was vital that everything be out on the table from the start. I needed to know I could trust him, and he needed to know that he could trust me. While I was dealing with having been [ab]used, he was dealing with insecurities as well. He'd never been in a serious (longer than 1 month) relationship before me, and it took a lot for him to put his whole heart into it without fearing it'd be ripped away or abandoned.
That actually worked out for the better in the long run, however, because it built a thick foundation of trust in our relationship. After a year and a half, I finally revealed the last bits and pieces about me that he didn't know... My desires for spanking and D/d. Not only did he accept it, but he loved it. Slowly we worked everything out to fit us.
With the help of that phone line I mentioned, I re-entered the spanko world and discovered D/s. Submission... that wasn't a word I liked a whole lot. Speaking of, did I mention my dad made me write an essay on submission when I was twelve? You don't want to know. So, at first, I was appalled by the idea and just skimmed through the sites. I wanted nothing to do with that... I liked the idea of having boundaries, spankings, and a strong man when I wanted one... but past the point of letting him make the final decisions (that didn't mean I wouldn't put up one heckuva fight anyway), I was totally not into submission. No. Nope. Not for me.
But I was curious, dang it. I kept looking. Kept finding D/s sites and reading about these people and their lifestyles. Well, curiosity beamed this cat right upside the head, because before I knew it, I was desiring to become a submissive and for Rico to truly become my Dom.
I suppose one day it was a sort of an "aha" moment. But, getting past the perfect and flawless fantasy I'd developed was a bit more difficult. Because, well, that involved facing all my demons from the past. I won't rehash on the things I've already posted, this was meant to be about how I got to the place I'm at now, so suffice to say: it was/is definitely a journey.
Well, now you know a lot more about me, *g*, and I hope it was fairly clear.
While I had been raised in church and lived a sheltered life, Rico had grown up the exact opposite. His parents were drug addicts who'd abandoned him during middle school through the first two years of highschool, which, in turn, left him to raise his younger brother and learn about life on his own. Living with his friends for the most part, he partied, got high, and lived it up to push reality from his mind.
Then, his parents suddenly did a complete 180. Not only did they get their lives straight, but they started to live for Jesus - for real. It took a long time for Rico to believe it wasn't just another game, but eventually he decided to give life with them, and actually having a family, a shot. It started with a picture of me; he wanted to meet me. That led to him having to meet my family and our church.
After meeting me, and seeing that there was an alternative to the craziness he grew up around, he made a heart-change as well. I wasn't sure how real it was at first, but that didn't stop me falling face first in love with him. I didn't think it was possible after what all had happened. In fact, as far as I knew, I was turned off to guys completely.
But then he kissed me on the stairwell. Whoa. Is THAT what a kiss is supposed to be like? It was soft, gentle, sweet, and I didn't have saliva dripping down my chin afterwards! I was so shocked that I just stood there and stared at him. I didn't kiss him back, I didn't even move. He smiled, I couldn't help but grin stupidedly back at him, and then he ran up the stairs before someone walked up on us.
I can't even begin to explain to you the chaos of emotions the whole situation elicited inside me. I felt STUPID. There was no way on God's green earth I was about to let it happen again... just no way. Yet, there I was, grinning like a retard-on-crack [I don't mean anything by that] over a kiss. *sighs*
And so, I fell for him. One month after I met him, I found myself crouching in front of him with my hands in his, expressing the crazy emotions I was feeling. He sat there and stared directly into my eyes. There was something in those eyes that was different. It wasn't fake. It wasn't cold. It was genuine.
"I've never felt this way before..." I whispered, my eyes on the floor.
"Me neither."
So simple, yet so utterly true.
Before Rico entered my life, I truly hadn't realized just how depressed and out of it I was. We helped each other in so many ways... while he was finding Jesus for the first time, I was re-finding Him myself. Despite our vastly different backgrounds, the root problems we each had to deal with led us to cling to one another even more. Clinging so exclusively that I believe we skipped over the stereotypical beginning relationship problems people have to deal with. We had to fast forward straight to the core - the things that truly mattered.
It didn't take long for the effects of my previous troubles to start showing up. There were the little things, like not knowing how to kiss. But then there were the big things, like not knowing how to communicate worth a dime, getting panicky when he showed even the remotest signs of displeasure, pulling away from physical touch (even tight hugs), and not trusting him at all. The effects still haunt me. I just recently got past comparing him to my dad, and we've been together for over two years.
But I am so blessed because after only a year and a half, we were to a place in our relationship where I was able to tell him anything. Because of the way I was when we met, it was vital that everything be out on the table from the start. I needed to know I could trust him, and he needed to know that he could trust me. While I was dealing with having been [ab]used, he was dealing with insecurities as well. He'd never been in a serious (longer than 1 month) relationship before me, and it took a lot for him to put his whole heart into it without fearing it'd be ripped away or abandoned.
That actually worked out for the better in the long run, however, because it built a thick foundation of trust in our relationship. After a year and a half, I finally revealed the last bits and pieces about me that he didn't know... My desires for spanking and D/d. Not only did he accept it, but he loved it. Slowly we worked everything out to fit us.
With the help of that phone line I mentioned, I re-entered the spanko world and discovered D/s. Submission... that wasn't a word I liked a whole lot. Speaking of, did I mention my dad made me write an essay on submission when I was twelve? You don't want to know. So, at first, I was appalled by the idea and just skimmed through the sites. I wanted nothing to do with that... I liked the idea of having boundaries, spankings, and a strong man when I wanted one... but past the point of letting him make the final decisions (that didn't mean I wouldn't put up one heckuva fight anyway), I was totally not into submission. No. Nope. Not for me.
But I was curious, dang it. I kept looking. Kept finding D/s sites and reading about these people and their lifestyles. Well, curiosity beamed this cat right upside the head, because before I knew it, I was desiring to become a submissive and for Rico to truly become my Dom.
I suppose one day it was a sort of an "aha" moment. But, getting past the perfect and flawless fantasy I'd developed was a bit more difficult. Because, well, that involved facing all my demons from the past. I won't rehash on the things I've already posted, this was meant to be about how I got to the place I'm at now, so suffice to say: it was/is definitely a journey.
Well, now you know a lot more about me, *g*, and I hope it was fairly clear.
About me
- rivka
- The South, United States
- My profile
In Dreams
"And in dreams I am free
falling into what is not;
what will be what is.
It's this intense hatred
for reality twisted
in an obsession of hope
Defy the stagnant
life that speaks only
what can be but wills not.
God's grace,
not my self fear
of what I think
I cannot be."
-rivka
Blogs I Like
- Loving DD
- Spanking Bethie
- Wheelsucker (Jo's Blog)
- Joannie Writes
- Sue's Place
- Bottom Smarts (Bonnie's Blog)
- Life In Motion
- Chris's Blog (Sparkle's husband)
- Caia's Journey
- RandC Personal Correction
- My Spanko Diary
- Pieces (SarAdora's Blog)
- Susie A's Journal
- Whisperings Of My Soul
- Leah's Blog
- Christian Domestic Discipline
- The Spanked Wife
- Head of House
- Spanking Good Time (Tiggr)
- Bliatz
- Dave and Am
- Domestic Discipline Diary
- Cease Resistance:Spanking Ree Again
- The Enchanted Palms Blog (Lenora's Blog)
- SarAdora's Spanking Erotica
- Fiction In Motion
D/d & Spanking
D/s - Submission
Other Stuff
Previous posts
Archives
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- May 2007
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