The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)
(EDITED: look below in white)
I've shared some about me, some about Rico...our life, how we came to this place, etc. But I haven't been really personal at all. I guess, I was unsure of how things would come across on here, or of, even, how safe it was. For me, being outed would be absolutely horrible. My life would completely and totally change in every way conceivable... So, I've avoided who I am practically altogether.
However, now that I understand the internet a little better, and what sort of "community" I've placed myself in here in the blogworld, I'm feeling a little braver. In fact, free is a much better word. I've realized that here I can actually write about things that I can't, and even reveal things that I wouldn't in the real world. I do still have a very healthy respect for the web, though, so there are some things I'll skirt just in case.
I will write this in more than one part. Without further ado, here is the [summarized] story of about how I came to be where I am today..
Three.
~~~
It was New Year's day and I was eight-years-old; my birthday was in 5 more days. Family tradition was to celebrate the day with another family. So, we were out having ourselves a good ole time. And just as cliche as it sounds, tragedy struck in the midst of it all. The accident left my mother disabled and unable to really care for me, or my four siblings, for the next several years. Needless to say, I had to grow up a lot.
My dad was working constantly and trying his best to figure out how to cope with this new life we all found ourselves in. But things got too stressful..: he started losing some of his memory because of sleep deprivation and his biggest weakness came through worse than ever - his temper. At the time, I didn't see it quite like that... All I knew was that I was eight, I took care of the house and my siblings, and nothing I did was good enough.
Some people would say he was most definitely both physically and verbally abusive, but I can't say that. There were lots and lots of times for those following years where he was verbally abusive, but only a few where he crossed into my definition of physically abusive. By twelve I was suicidal and confused. I didn't have many friends, no close ones, and the church I grew up in cold-shouldered my family after my mom's accident.
To top it off, I was completely clueless about the world outside of my home and the church. I was homeschooled, and that is probably one of the only reason I'm alive today, or not on a street somewhere doing God-only-knows-what; even though I abhorred the fact at the time. Then I turned 13 and discovered the internet.
Besides the basic "girls have a 'o' and guys have a 'i'"..................sex was foreign to me. It didn't take long for that to change. Despite the fact that I was a girl (whoever started the ideal that teenage boys are the only ones parents should worry will look at and become addicted to porn??), I most definitely got sucked into the porn world. Having grown up in church, however, I knew that I had crossed the "just learning" line.
And one day, I don't recall exactly what I typed in the search engine, I found a site about spanking. But not just spanking, it was a site about Domestic Discipline. Talk about having your mind blown... I was in total shock. When I was a kid, six or seven-years-old, I played spanking games with my brother; "house" and "school." They were purely discipline type spankings for "misdeeds", and lasted until about the time they started really hurting, but we played the games all the time. So, my spanko genes had come out years before, but I never knew it was normal, or OK. In fact, that part of the game would always be played out in a closet corner, or some other hidden place, simply because it just felt wrong.
Call it crazy or impossible, but after reading as much as I possibly could about spanking and D/d, I knew at 13-14 that I wanted it in my life always. In fact, the first time I had any kind of relationship with a guy, I told him. Unfortunately, he didn't like the idea nearly as much as I did. Being that it was an online relationship, the rejection was lessened some, but it still messed with me enough to stop me from ever wanting to tell another soul in real life. I learned a lot though, even the fact that I was attracted to men with tempers.
Did that help my next choice? Nope. I was still so incredibly naive to life, that I was totally blind to the obviousness behind my next interest's fascination with me. He was 22, I was 14. What do you think? Oh, and not to mention, he had a temper as well.
-Edit: The situation I was in, and the way I'd grown up, prevented him from ever actually raping me. Plus, he was too smart to do that anyway. He was the sort who seduced and tricked you into doing what he wanted. or letting him do what he wanted. I had planned on making this clear in the next part, but Rico pointed out that people would think I'd been raped having read only this post so far. I've not been, thank God.
Three men, three tempers, three very big impacts on my life in three different ways. And one phone line that connected me to a world that would ultimately change everything.
I've shared some about me, some about Rico...our life, how we came to this place, etc. But I haven't been really personal at all. I guess, I was unsure of how things would come across on here, or of, even, how safe it was. For me, being outed would be absolutely horrible. My life would completely and totally change in every way conceivable... So, I've avoided who I am practically altogether.
However, now that I understand the internet a little better, and what sort of "community" I've placed myself in here in the blogworld, I'm feeling a little braver. In fact, free is a much better word. I've realized that here I can actually write about things that I can't, and even reveal things that I wouldn't in the real world. I do still have a very healthy respect for the web, though, so there are some things I'll skirt just in case.
I will write this in more than one part. Without further ado, here is the [summarized] story of about how I came to be where I am today..
Three.It was New Year's day and I was eight-years-old; my birthday was in 5 more days. Family tradition was to celebrate the day with another family. So, we were out having ourselves a good ole time. And just as cliche as it sounds, tragedy struck in the midst of it all. The accident left my mother disabled and unable to really care for me, or my four siblings, for the next several years. Needless to say, I had to grow up a lot.
My dad was working constantly and trying his best to figure out how to cope with this new life we all found ourselves in. But things got too stressful..: he started losing some of his memory because of sleep deprivation and his biggest weakness came through worse than ever - his temper. At the time, I didn't see it quite like that... All I knew was that I was eight, I took care of the house and my siblings, and nothing I did was good enough.
Some people would say he was most definitely both physically and verbally abusive, but I can't say that. There were lots and lots of times for those following years where he was verbally abusive, but only a few where he crossed into my definition of physically abusive. By twelve I was suicidal and confused. I didn't have many friends, no close ones, and the church I grew up in cold-shouldered my family after my mom's accident.
To top it off, I was completely clueless about the world outside of my home and the church. I was homeschooled, and that is probably one of the only reason I'm alive today, or not on a street somewhere doing God-only-knows-what; even though I abhorred the fact at the time. Then I turned 13 and discovered the internet.
Besides the basic "girls have a 'o' and guys have a 'i'"..................sex was foreign to me. It didn't take long for that to change. Despite the fact that I was a girl (whoever started the ideal that teenage boys are the only ones parents should worry will look at and become addicted to porn??), I most definitely got sucked into the porn world. Having grown up in church, however, I knew that I had crossed the "just learning" line.
And one day, I don't recall exactly what I typed in the search engine, I found a site about spanking. But not just spanking, it was a site about Domestic Discipline. Talk about having your mind blown... I was in total shock. When I was a kid, six or seven-years-old, I played spanking games with my brother; "house" and "school." They were purely discipline type spankings for "misdeeds", and lasted until about the time they started really hurting, but we played the games all the time. So, my spanko genes had come out years before, but I never knew it was normal, or OK. In fact, that part of the game would always be played out in a closet corner, or some other hidden place, simply because it just felt wrong.
Call it crazy or impossible, but after reading as much as I possibly could about spanking and D/d, I knew at 13-14 that I wanted it in my life always. In fact, the first time I had any kind of relationship with a guy, I told him. Unfortunately, he didn't like the idea nearly as much as I did. Being that it was an online relationship, the rejection was lessened some, but it still messed with me enough to stop me from ever wanting to tell another soul in real life. I learned a lot though, even the fact that I was attracted to men with tempers.
Did that help my next choice? Nope. I was still so incredibly naive to life, that I was totally blind to the obviousness behind my next interest's fascination with me. He was 22, I was 14. What do you think? Oh, and not to mention, he had a temper as well.
-Edit: The situation I was in, and the way I'd grown up, prevented him from ever actually raping me. Plus, he was too smart to do that anyway. He was the sort who seduced and tricked you into doing what he wanted. or letting him do what he wanted. I had planned on making this clear in the next part, but Rico pointed out that people would think I'd been raped having read only this post so far. I've not been, thank God.
Three men, three tempers, three very big impacts on my life in three different ways. And one phone line that connected me to a world that would ultimately change everything.
About me
- rivka
- The South, United States
- My profile
In Dreams
"And in dreams I am free
falling into what is not;
what will be what is.
It's this intense hatred
for reality twisted
in an obsession of hope
Defy the stagnant
life that speaks only
what can be but wills not.
God's grace,
not my self fear
of what I think
I cannot be."
-rivka
Blogs I Like
- Loving DD
- Spanking Bethie
- Wheelsucker (Jo's Blog)
- Joannie Writes
- Sue's Place
- Bottom Smarts (Bonnie's Blog)
- Life In Motion
- Chris's Blog (Sparkle's husband)
- Caia's Journey
- RandC Personal Correction
- My Spanko Diary
- Pieces (SarAdora's Blog)
- Susie A's Journal
- Whisperings Of My Soul
- Leah's Blog
- Christian Domestic Discipline
- The Spanked Wife
- Head of House
- Spanking Good Time (Tiggr)
- Bliatz
- Dave and Am
- Domestic Discipline Diary
- Cease Resistance:Spanking Ree Again
- The Enchanted Palms Blog (Lenora's Blog)
- SarAdora's Spanking Erotica
- Fiction In Motion
D/d & Spanking
D/s - Submission
Other Stuff
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