The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)
I found this pic. on google, but I thought it was really interesting...in fact, it's given me a few ideas for a future rendition of my own. I'm convinced that this constant lifestyle has the ability to bring out just about every single insecurity. Now, think about it - it's all covered: the psychological, the physical, and the emotional. The deeper you go, the more junk gets dredged up. To have to trust someone so deeply leaves you no choice but to let even the deepest parts of your heart become vulnerable. Everything from your feelings on your appearance, to your abilities, to how you view your own deeper, darker desires. It all, gradually, surfaces.
Progressively intensifying my servant-hood has been like a fishing trip. I am this deep sea of hidden insecurities. No one, not even myself, knows quite how many catches there will be. As time goes by, thick, painful hooks grab hold and jerk to the surface these things that have not yet been looked upon. Once they've been officially torn from the wall of water they were hidden under, a close inspection ensues. Away from the habitation that gave them life, the inspection provokes an array of changes, and each insecurity offers up one, last powerful fight before finally relaxing away to its death.
After hiding away these feelings for so long, usually initiated by something hurtful, it's hard to come to the place where you realize the walls are unnecessary; where you can trust that you won't have to hide them away anymore. Till now, I never realized just how many walls, how many hurts, how many insecurities I'd thrown into this awfully deep sea of me.
~
I knew ahead of time that my decision to submit to Rico would be looked down upon in the world. The people I'm closest to respect it, for the most part, because it's somewhat how they believe anyway. But there's still an extent that almost everyone just can't fathom. Can you imagine the reactions if you were to refer to your Dom with a title [i.e. Sir] seriously and consistently in the vanilla public? OK, that was a kind of drastic example, but even the little things sometimes incite scorn.
The direct issue that I have to deal with, being a woman submitting to a man, is other women thinking of me in disgust. In a world where the perfect woman is an individualized, successful, equal to a man, it's just unthinkable to want to put yourself at a man's beck and call. Does my love to serve Rico make me a doormat? Does the fact that I bring him drink when he's thirsty, fix his plates, and do various other miniscule tasks make me a dog? Absolutely not. Yet, that is what I get pictured as.
Wrapping this around to insecurities: one of my biggest insecurities was that I would lose my own identity to a man one day and become like my mother - taken advantage of, emotionally used and abused, not allowed to think or feel anything contrary to what my dad thought or felt. It's been rough to go from the woman stereotype and the hurt I experienced, to someone who's flirting with fantasies of being used, who desires to be owned by a man [Rico], and who's learning to trust that who I am will not be lost in all of it.
Slowly, Rico is teaching me to be proud of my submission, to take cold remarks from close friends as compliments and encouragement that the change I'm yearning so hard make can be visibly seen by even vanillas.
~
On another note - I've been looking everywhere for a site with ideas about how to serve. What I'd really like to find is something along the lines of how servants (even slaves) used to be trained, but a good site on simply being subservient would be wonderful as well. I need suggestions!
~~~
A good Dom encourages His sub in the battle against insecurities; using experiences to teach and train even the sub's thought patterns.
~~~
A good sub trusts her Dom to teach her how to get past her insecurities and view them in a non-cliched format.
About me
- rivka
- The South, United States
- My profile
In Dreams
"And in dreams I am free
falling into what is not;
what will be what is.
It's this intense hatred
for reality twisted
in an obsession of hope
Defy the stagnant
life that speaks only
what can be but wills not.
God's grace,
not my self fear
of what I think
I cannot be."
-rivka
Blogs I Like
- Loving DD
- Spanking Bethie
- Wheelsucker (Jo's Blog)
- Joannie Writes
- Sue's Place
- Bottom Smarts (Bonnie's Blog)
- Life In Motion
- Chris's Blog (Sparkle's husband)
- Caia's Journey
- RandC Personal Correction
- My Spanko Diary
- Pieces (SarAdora's Blog)
- Susie A's Journal
- Whisperings Of My Soul
- Leah's Blog
- Christian Domestic Discipline
- The Spanked Wife
- Head of House
- Spanking Good Time (Tiggr)
- Bliatz
- Dave and Am
- Domestic Discipline Diary
- Cease Resistance:Spanking Ree Again
- The Enchanted Palms Blog (Lenora's Blog)
- SarAdora's Spanking Erotica
- Fiction In Motion
D/d & Spanking
D/s - Submission
Other Stuff
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