The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)
First, I need to give you a little history. Ever since I was little, I knew I liked spanking; I played spanking games, and I had metamorphosis going on in my stomach when I read something with spanking in it, or saw a spanking scene on television. But I really realized what was going on when I discovered the online world. For two years I read about as much a day as a person can. It blew my mind that there were others out there, and that I wasn't the only person on the planet who liked to have pain inflicted to their backside. THEN (to my astonishment), I ran across D/d. Whoa. The butterflies hatched and were trying to escape at that point.
Anywayz. That's also where I made my first mistake. I tried to tell my [then] current boyfriend about it all. Word to the wise: Not everyone takes the concept of spanking and D/d so well. And there I was - back to feeling like a freak of nature. So, I buried all my feelings and desires, deleted all the links I'd frequented, and shut myself off to this incredible world.
Eventually, I met Rico. It didn't take long for us to realize we were perfect for each other and would be together forever. Really. However, I had told myself a hundred zillion times that I would never tell him about my secret fantasies. I wasn't about to risk our relationship for it. As far as I was concerned, he was worth more to me than that. Fortunately, he actually was into the play spanking stuff too, and I wound up being able to, at least, talk about most of the erotic stuff.
And then it happened. I screwed up - badly. The impeccable trust between us, that I'd prided myself on, was suddenly broken. Careless words stripped it all away. He was so hurt; I can still remember the pained look in his eyes. ~sigh~
I felt so bad... and I wanted nothing more than to make up for it. Make him happy again. Clear the slate and go back to normal. Of course, the best way for that to happen in my mind was a good, old fashioned, butt-whipping. I couldn't tell him that, though. So, I devised a way to admit my need to, at least, be punished. Lots of talking later, I straight up asked him if he would come up with a way for me to make up for what I'd done. I was sort of getting the silent treatment, so I didn't expect much of a reply. Surprisingly, he waited a moment, then said he would do it, but was unable to think of anything at the time. Even more surprisingly, he decided that he would come up with something and tell me the next day. ~gasp~
The whole night and next morning were torture for me. I couldn't hardly sleep. I just wanted it all to be over with, and wished so badly that the thoughts of him taking a belt to my backside would go away. They didn't. In fact, everything I'd worked so hard to forget about was suddenly crashing back into my world. Just as I was contemplating telling him what I truly thought would fit as punishment (and thus reveal the universe of my hidden desires), a text message popped up on my computer.
Imagine my utter shock as I read the following:
"I want to whip you but I can't. So I'm gunna have to find something else... I love you. What do you think your punishment should be?"
It's a good thing I didn't have anything in my mouth; I almost choked on my own tongue. I'd never once hinted around about D/d or being spanked as a punishment. My previous experience had left me terrified of even remotely mentioning anything to do with it.
Needless to say, it wasn't long after that I was able to pour out my whole heart. He grew up with the same Americanized principles as every other 21st century boy - don't hit girls/don't hurt girls/treat your wife like precious china/etc. But something deep inside him was different. Maybe it's how I presented it, maybe it's that those desires were lying dormant in him the whole time, or maybe it was the fact that he was so hurt and this just clicked as a wonderful solution to those type of ordeals. I'm not sure, but I am incredibly grateful. I do know that having a love ten oceans deep for one another definitely contributed to whatever the answer is.
Over time, I was able to open up to him more than I ever imagined I would. There's nothing he doesn't know about me, my thoughts, or my desires anymore. And he accepts it all. He shocks me all the time by how similar his feelings on things are to mine. Closet spanko doesn't even begin to describe him. I've unleashed someone I never knew existed. *weg*
- "Be careful what you ask for..." pretty much covers it. -
And btw, *g*, I did get a short spanking for breaking [by lying] that trust. It took time, and me giving him a lot of space to figure it all out, but, eventually (weeks later - to be honest), it did happened. Nothing compared to what most would consider a "true" spanking... but it was more than enough.
:)
Anywayz. That's also where I made my first mistake. I tried to tell my [then] current boyfriend about it all. Word to the wise: Not everyone takes the concept of spanking and D/d so well. And there I was - back to feeling like a freak of nature. So, I buried all my feelings and desires, deleted all the links I'd frequented, and shut myself off to this incredible world.
Eventually, I met Rico. It didn't take long for us to realize we were perfect for each other and would be together forever. Really. However, I had told myself a hundred zillion times that I would never tell him about my secret fantasies. I wasn't about to risk our relationship for it. As far as I was concerned, he was worth more to me than that. Fortunately, he actually was into the play spanking stuff too, and I wound up being able to, at least, talk about most of the erotic stuff.
And then it happened. I screwed up - badly. The impeccable trust between us, that I'd prided myself on, was suddenly broken. Careless words stripped it all away. He was so hurt; I can still remember the pained look in his eyes. ~sigh~
I felt so bad... and I wanted nothing more than to make up for it. Make him happy again. Clear the slate and go back to normal. Of course, the best way for that to happen in my mind was a good, old fashioned, butt-whipping. I couldn't tell him that, though. So, I devised a way to admit my need to, at least, be punished. Lots of talking later, I straight up asked him if he would come up with a way for me to make up for what I'd done. I was sort of getting the silent treatment, so I didn't expect much of a reply. Surprisingly, he waited a moment, then said he would do it, but was unable to think of anything at the time. Even more surprisingly, he decided that he would come up with something and tell me the next day. ~gasp~
The whole night and next morning were torture for me. I couldn't hardly sleep. I just wanted it all to be over with, and wished so badly that the thoughts of him taking a belt to my backside would go away. They didn't. In fact, everything I'd worked so hard to forget about was suddenly crashing back into my world. Just as I was contemplating telling him what I truly thought would fit as punishment (and thus reveal the universe of my hidden desires), a text message popped up on my computer.
Imagine my utter shock as I read the following:
"I want to whip you but I can't. So I'm gunna have to find something else... I love you. What do you think your punishment should be?"
It's a good thing I didn't have anything in my mouth; I almost choked on my own tongue. I'd never once hinted around about D/d or being spanked as a punishment. My previous experience had left me terrified of even remotely mentioning anything to do with it.
Needless to say, it wasn't long after that I was able to pour out my whole heart. He grew up with the same Americanized principles as every other 21st century boy - don't hit girls/don't hurt girls/treat your wife like precious china/etc. But something deep inside him was different. Maybe it's how I presented it, maybe it's that those desires were lying dormant in him the whole time, or maybe it was the fact that he was so hurt and this just clicked as a wonderful solution to those type of ordeals. I'm not sure, but I am incredibly grateful. I do know that having a love ten oceans deep for one another definitely contributed to whatever the answer is.
Over time, I was able to open up to him more than I ever imagined I would. There's nothing he doesn't know about me, my thoughts, or my desires anymore. And he accepts it all. He shocks me all the time by how similar his feelings on things are to mine. Closet spanko doesn't even begin to describe him. I've unleashed someone I never knew existed. *weg*
- "Be careful what you ask for..." pretty much covers it. -
And btw, *g*, I did get a short spanking for breaking [by lying] that trust. It took time, and me giving him a lot of space to figure it all out, but, eventually (weeks later - to be honest), it did happened. Nothing compared to what most would consider a "true" spanking... but it was more than enough.
:)
About me
- rivka
- The South, United States
- My profile
In Dreams
"And in dreams I am free
falling into what is not;
what will be what is.
It's this intense hatred
for reality twisted
in an obsession of hope
Defy the stagnant
life that speaks only
what can be but wills not.
God's grace,
not my self fear
of what I think
I cannot be."
-rivka
Blogs I Like
- Loving DD
- Spanking Bethie
- Wheelsucker (Jo's Blog)
- Joannie Writes
- Sue's Place
- Bottom Smarts (Bonnie's Blog)
- Life In Motion
- Chris's Blog (Sparkle's husband)
- Caia's Journey
- RandC Personal Correction
- My Spanko Diary
- Pieces (SarAdora's Blog)
- Susie A's Journal
- Whisperings Of My Soul
- Leah's Blog
- Christian Domestic Discipline
- The Spanked Wife
- Head of House
- Spanking Good Time (Tiggr)
- Bliatz
- Dave and Am
- Domestic Discipline Diary
- Cease Resistance:Spanking Ree Again
- The Enchanted Palms Blog (Lenora's Blog)
- SarAdora's Spanking Erotica
- Fiction In Motion
D/d & Spanking
D/s - Submission
Other Stuff
Previous posts
Archives
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