The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)
...is as long as I could make it (apparently). :( I was disrespectful again tonight. It's fair enough to say I was definitely provoked, but disrespectful nonetheless. I'm back to those "Strange Emotions" again... the ones that betray my logical self. The feelings that scream, "I asked for this, I ultimately want this, I know I deserve it," while battling against thoughts such as, "But he did this and that, this is unfair, this is too hard, I can't take it."
~sigh~
I love him so much. My biggest goal in life (besides serving the Lord) is to please him... make him happy with me. It hurts so bad when I dissapoint him and mess up. My heart is so heavy right now, I just want to cry. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people who can just turn the waterworks on and off. Crying doesn't come naturally, or easily, for me. When it does happen, it's serious and I drain myself before I'm able to stop. It's one major release.
The release that comes with a spanking is something I long for. The release that will come from crying because of a spanking is even more so desired. These are the times I regret the predicament Rico and I are in... If circumstances were slightly different, he'd have no problem taking me over his knee and spanking me clear to tears. At this point, I don't think it would take much.
I'm sorry for what I did and I feel like a total failure. Call it self-pity, or whatever you'd like, but I feel like the worst submissive on the face of the planet. I know he would hold me close, reassure me, all of the above. But this won't go away till I feel like I've made up for what I've done. Anybody else have feelings like these?
Remember how I wrote about I'm not supposed to walk away when I'm frustrated anymore? Or freak out? Instead of writing the rules I did break, I could seriously shorten the list by writing the ones I didn't break.
>freaked out
>walked away
>cussed at him
>disrespected him
>disrespected him publically
*curls up under a rock*
~sigh~
I love him so much. My biggest goal in life (besides serving the Lord) is to please him... make him happy with me. It hurts so bad when I dissapoint him and mess up. My heart is so heavy right now, I just want to cry. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people who can just turn the waterworks on and off. Crying doesn't come naturally, or easily, for me. When it does happen, it's serious and I drain myself before I'm able to stop. It's one major release.
The release that comes with a spanking is something I long for. The release that will come from crying because of a spanking is even more so desired. These are the times I regret the predicament Rico and I are in... If circumstances were slightly different, he'd have no problem taking me over his knee and spanking me clear to tears. At this point, I don't think it would take much.
I'm sorry for what I did and I feel like a total failure. Call it self-pity, or whatever you'd like, but I feel like the worst submissive on the face of the planet. I know he would hold me close, reassure me, all of the above. But this won't go away till I feel like I've made up for what I've done. Anybody else have feelings like these?
Remember how I wrote about I'm not supposed to walk away when I'm frustrated anymore? Or freak out? Instead of writing the rules I did break, I could seriously shorten the list by writing the ones I didn't break.
>freaked out
>walked away
>cussed at him
>disrespected him
>disrespected him publically
*curls up under a rock*
About me
- rivka
- The South, United States
- My profile
In Dreams
"And in dreams I am free
falling into what is not;
what will be what is.
It's this intense hatred
for reality twisted
in an obsession of hope
Defy the stagnant
life that speaks only
what can be but wills not.
God's grace,
not my self fear
of what I think
I cannot be."
-rivka
Blogs I Like
- Loving DD
- Spanking Bethie
- Wheelsucker (Jo's Blog)
- Joannie Writes
- Sue's Place
- Bottom Smarts (Bonnie's Blog)
- Life In Motion
- Chris's Blog (Sparkle's husband)
- Caia's Journey
- RandC Personal Correction
- My Spanko Diary
- Pieces (SarAdora's Blog)
- Susie A's Journal
- Whisperings Of My Soul
- Leah's Blog
- Christian Domestic Discipline
- The Spanked Wife
- Head of House
- Spanking Good Time (Tiggr)
- Bliatz
- Dave and Am
- Domestic Discipline Diary
- Cease Resistance:Spanking Ree Again
- The Enchanted Palms Blog (Lenora's Blog)
- SarAdora's Spanking Erotica
- Fiction In Motion
D/d & Spanking
D/s - Submission
Other Stuff
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