The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)
Published Saturday, November 12, 2005 by rivka | E-mail this post
Well... I've earned another 4 days of this "writing" punishment. *sigh* How it came about, though, is what was *different* and invoked these weird emotions of mine.
Way back when Rico first decided on my 3 weeks of this writing stuff, he'd noted the rules surrounding it including: "If you skip a day, I'll add 4." Which means, consequentially, that I had to skip a day to find myself where I am now... and I did. But I did it because I was gone all day (had to be) and came down with a flu-like cold that put me straight in bed once I'd walked through the door. Not because of "petty" excuses. So, when I confessed that I'd missed a day, and he quite simply replied that the punishment for that was 4 more days, I was a little perturbed. It didn't help that I was only 3 days away from completion. How could he be so cruel and harsh as to punish me more for something I had no control over? But as I let it settle in, and asked him how come he felt the need to do that (after I'd done so well the past 2 1/2 weeks, and it was, after all, something I couldn't change), his attitude did hold sympathy, but he answered, "Well, that was what I said wasn't it? I didn't make exceptions for being sick." I had to stop and seriously think. He's not a mean guy..,really. He's trying very hard to be the disciplinarian that *I've* asked him to be; he's keeping his word. And then...I was OK with it. I even found the nerve to tell him he was right for doing so and felt bad, afterwards, for not doing what I was supposed to in the first place. I did feel OK enough to eat and get on the computer. I suppose if fulfilling my punishment had been a higher priority, I could have made it happen somehow...
And he was the "vanilla" in this relationship? Yeah, RIGHT. Definitely a closet spanko to say the very least.