The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)

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Published Sunday, May 07, 2006 by rivka | E-mail this post

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Ever since we started this, so many walls have come down. I used to be able to go through day to day life without really getting upset and hurt. But it was only because I had a cabillion and two walls thrown up to protect myself. Now it feels like Rico has helped me to slowly tear them all down and what's left is this very sensitive, very vulnerable part of me. And I'm not so sure that's a good thing...

Yet, if I weren't that way, would I be able to be as open with him? Would I still feel like I could tell him anything or would I stop telling him everything in order to protect my own feelings? I suppose the real question is: "Is it worth the hurt, the sensitivity, and the vulnerability to experience the freedom of total submission and nothing ever hidden inside?" I think so.

Sometimes it seems as every good thing has its own bad counterpart. I think that's how love is. When you love on a surface level, you feel on a surface level and can only be hurt to a certain point. But when you love with everything inside you, then you're able to feel with your entire being, and hurt extremely deeply.

~~~

I'm writing a story that I plan to post soon... and I'm writing one focused on how I became a spanko. I'd thought about it so much, and could never keep my mind from drifting off with me and confusing everything until I read a post by SNN. Suddenly, everything sort of "clicked" and I'm just trying to put it into words now. I'm also trying to write something on past mental and emotional abuse and how it can effect a Ds and/or Dd relationship.

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About me

  • Intro (with up-to-date edits)

    • In Dreams

    "And in dreams I am free
    falling into what is not;
    what will be what is.

    It's this intense hatred
    for reality twisted
    in an obsession of hope

    Defy the stagnant
    life that speaks only
    what can be but wills not.

    God's grace,
    not my self fear
    of what I think I cannot be."

    -rivka

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