The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)

Oh my gosh I can't believe I'm actually getting married in a little over twenty-four hours!!! YAY!!!

I feel bad for completely deserting the online world, but every time I would go to try and post or read some on the forums, something would come up.

Since the last time I posted, things have been 100% better. Paul and I are back to wonderful again, and everything has fallen together perfectly. I can't wait to get back to tell you all the different ways we've incorporated D/d and D/s into our wedding, our honeymoon, and (near) f uture marriage. I'm so excited!!

God has been so good to us. My wedding is totally outdoors, and the weather is absolutely perfect. My mom, dad, and in-laws have helped so incredibly much and have been just wonderful lately. Our honeymoon is going to be two weeks long and is planned to the "t." About the only thing that's giving us trouble is where we're going to stay when we get back - lol. Thankfully we have lots of good friends and relatives around to take us in till we figure things out. That could really frustrate me if I think about it... but as long as I keep my mind occupied it's all OK.

Anyway. I miss y'all!! Hope everyone is doing well. =)

I won't even pretend that I'm back for good, because that probably won't happen for a while! Life has been crazy. For starters, I'm getting married in 10 days and all the plans Rico and I had for where we'd be living have pretty much fallen through.

I think the stress of it all is getting to me. SIGH. I'm trying so hard not to be a bridezilla, lol, that I think it's backfiring. Today has been... nothing less than depressing. It will be so nice when Rico and I can come home to each other at night and not have to try and talk over the phone. We haven't been doing good lately at all. I think it's mostly because I'm so stressed out about the whole thing and he could care less. I guess that happens to everybody though. We've been fighting for like a week straight with very few intervals of "normalness." When I'm not pissed out of my brain and I know I'm thinking straight, I try to tell him how much I need him and how I feel like things are just out of control. But he doesn't help. He just says, "Yeah I know." And that's it? I need more than that... I feel like I have no security at all. None. He's always been so close and so protective, and now when I need him the most he's not there until I screw up or do something he doesn't like... then he's in my face being mean. Now we can't talk without chopping each other to peices.

I think that it's gotten to where I'm scared to death that I'm about to marry someone who's going to be a dictating control freak... who doesn't care how I really feel or when things upset me, and he gets scared that he's about to marry someone who will never be wholly submissive to him and respect him. So he fights to maintain authority and goes overboard, and I first buck and then retreat.

I know we'll make it through.. in Jesus' name.. we always do. But this is so hard right before our WEDDING. This should be like the happiest time of our life, and instead it's hell right now.

On the bright side, however, the actual wedding and honeymoon plans are going perfectly... and they're almost here! We get married the nineteenth and will be gone on our honeymoon all the way till June second. We're going to the Smokey mountains and then to Hawaii. =)

The wedding and reception will all be outdoors at sunset, and then under the stars, in a beautiful garden. Rico and I are going to surprise our guests by dancing the "Tango" as our first dance. I chose it just because it's so sexy and beautiful... not because it's actually in our blood or anything. That will be fun. We were going to leave in a carriage, but that didn't work out, so instead our getaway care will be an antique Rolls Royce (sp?).

Sigh. Just pray for us...

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About me

  • Intro (with up-to-date edits)
  • In Dreams

    "And in dreams I am free
    falling into what is not;
    what will be what is.

    It's this intense hatred
    for reality twisted
    in an obsession of hope

    Defy the stagnant
    life that speaks only
    what can be but wills not.

    God's grace,
    not my self fear
    of what I think I cannot be."


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