The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)
I won't even pretend that I'm back for good, because that probably won't happen for a while! Life has been crazy. For starters, I'm getting married in 10 days and all the plans Rico and I had for where we'd be living have pretty much fallen through.
I think the stress of it all is getting to me. SIGH. I'm trying so hard not to be a bridezilla, lol, that I think it's backfiring. Today has been... nothing less than depressing. It will be so nice when Rico and I can come home to each other at night and not have to try and talk over the phone. We haven't been doing good lately at all. I think it's mostly because I'm so stressed out about the whole thing and he could care less. I guess that happens to everybody though. We've been fighting for like a week straight with very few intervals of "normalness." When I'm not pissed out of my brain and I know I'm thinking straight, I try to tell him how much I need him and how I feel like things are just out of control. But he doesn't help. He just says, "Yeah I know." And that's it? I need more than that... I feel like I have no security at all. None. He's always been so close and so protective, and now when I need him the most he's not there until I screw up or do something he doesn't like... then he's in my face being mean. Now we can't talk without chopping each other to peices.
I think that it's gotten to where I'm scared to death that I'm about to marry someone who's going to be a dictating control freak... who doesn't care how I really feel or when things upset me, and he gets scared that he's about to marry someone who will never be wholly submissive to him and respect him. So he fights to maintain authority and goes overboard, and I first buck and then retreat.
I know we'll make it through.. in Jesus' name.. we always do. But this is so hard right before our WEDDING. This should be like the happiest time of our life, and instead it's hell right now.
On the bright side, however, the actual wedding and honeymoon plans are going perfectly... and they're almost here! We get married the nineteenth and will be gone on our honeymoon all the way till June second. We're going to the Smokey mountains and then to Hawaii. =)
The wedding and reception will all be outdoors at sunset, and then under the stars, in a beautiful garden. Rico and I are going to surprise our guests by dancing the "Tango" as our first dance. I chose it just because it's so sexy and beautiful... not because it's actually in our blood or anything. That will be fun. We were going to leave in a carriage, but that didn't work out, so instead our getaway care will be an antique Rolls Royce (sp?).
Sigh. Just pray for us...
I think the stress of it all is getting to me. SIGH. I'm trying so hard not to be a bridezilla, lol, that I think it's backfiring. Today has been... nothing less than depressing. It will be so nice when Rico and I can come home to each other at night and not have to try and talk over the phone. We haven't been doing good lately at all. I think it's mostly because I'm so stressed out about the whole thing and he could care less. I guess that happens to everybody though. We've been fighting for like a week straight with very few intervals of "normalness." When I'm not pissed out of my brain and I know I'm thinking straight, I try to tell him how much I need him and how I feel like things are just out of control. But he doesn't help. He just says, "Yeah I know." And that's it? I need more than that... I feel like I have no security at all. None. He's always been so close and so protective, and now when I need him the most he's not there until I screw up or do something he doesn't like... then he's in my face being mean. Now we can't talk without chopping each other to peices.
I think that it's gotten to where I'm scared to death that I'm about to marry someone who's going to be a dictating control freak... who doesn't care how I really feel or when things upset me, and he gets scared that he's about to marry someone who will never be wholly submissive to him and respect him. So he fights to maintain authority and goes overboard, and I first buck and then retreat.
I know we'll make it through.. in Jesus' name.. we always do. But this is so hard right before our WEDDING. This should be like the happiest time of our life, and instead it's hell right now.
On the bright side, however, the actual wedding and honeymoon plans are going perfectly... and they're almost here! We get married the nineteenth and will be gone on our honeymoon all the way till June second. We're going to the Smokey mountains and then to Hawaii. =)
The wedding and reception will all be outdoors at sunset, and then under the stars, in a beautiful garden. Rico and I are going to surprise our guests by dancing the "Tango" as our first dance. I chose it just because it's so sexy and beautiful... not because it's actually in our blood or anything. That will be fun. We were going to leave in a carriage, but that didn't work out, so instead our getaway care will be an antique Rolls Royce (sp?).
Sigh. Just pray for us...
Labels: d/d, d/s, wedding plans
I know I've posted a couple of the "tag" thingies, and answered a few questions within different posts, but there's a whole lot I have yet to tell. Visiting another woman's site, I saw that she wrote out, in tag form, a bunch of different, personal, facts about herself. Nothing really too "close to home", just stuff. It was fun for me to read, even though it's probably only the second time I'd ever been to her blog, so I figured some of you might really enjoy seeing that here - not to mention I love the idea of writing it in such a simple way.
Random Info
- I love Jesus Christ with all my heart and strive every day to become more like Him.
- I am the submissive in a D/d, somewhat D/s, relationship.
- I live in the southern U.S.
- I'm an artist and a photographer; aspiring to own my own business.
- I am under 25 years old.
- I have no kids, but plan to have plenty one day in the future.
- I'm a virgin (of any kind of sex) and will be until my wedding night.
- I'm going to marry my "highschool Sweetheart" in May, 2007.
- I'm a naturally light brunette.
- I LOVE animals; especially dogs.
- I'd really like to meet someone in real life, one day, who lives the same type of D/d lifestyle as Rico and I.
- Emails are like candy to me - I'm not the best at giving them away, but I love to get them!
- I have three brothers and one sister - one of which I know for sure has this spanko kink, but isn't old enough for me to openly talk about it with him, *g*.
- I have, what seems to be, the opposite of most people when it comes to certain insecurities about my weight; I want to gain like 15-20 pounds rather than lose it.
- I'm rehabilitating a squirrel.
- I actually love to hunt and fish - fishing moreso.
- "My Jesus" by Todd Agnew is a song I believe everyone should hear, and "The Passion" a movie that everyone should see at least once.
- Rico is my best friend.
- I'm a chocolate lover.
- The sexiest thing Rico could wear for me is a pair of jeans, a belt, some round-toe boots, and no shirt.
- Those lips on my banner are mine.
- I despise the morning and would rather stay up till the wee hours of the morning, then wake up at them; I truly am a hardcore nightowl (have you ever checked the times on these posts? LOL).
Want to know something else random? Just ask!!
Random Info
- I love Jesus Christ with all my heart and strive every day to become more like Him.
- I am the submissive in a D/d, somewhat D/s, relationship.
- I live in the southern U.S.
- I'm an artist and a photographer; aspiring to own my own business.
- I am under 25 years old.
- I have no kids, but plan to have plenty one day in the future.
- I'm a virgin (of any kind of sex) and will be until my wedding night.
- I'm going to marry my "highschool Sweetheart" in May, 2007.
- I'm a naturally light brunette.
- I LOVE animals; especially dogs.
- I'd really like to meet someone in real life, one day, who lives the same type of D/d lifestyle as Rico and I.
- Emails are like candy to me - I'm not the best at giving them away, but I love to get them!
- I have three brothers and one sister - one of which I know for sure has this spanko kink, but isn't old enough for me to openly talk about it with him, *g*.
- I have, what seems to be, the opposite of most people when it comes to certain insecurities about my weight; I want to gain like 15-20 pounds rather than lose it.
- I'm rehabilitating a squirrel.
- I actually love to hunt and fish - fishing moreso.
- "My Jesus" by Todd Agnew is a song I believe everyone should hear, and "The Passion" a movie that everyone should see at least once.
- Rico is my best friend.
- I'm a chocolate lover.
- The sexiest thing Rico could wear for me is a pair of jeans, a belt, some round-toe boots, and no shirt.
- Those lips on my banner are mine.
- I despise the morning and would rather stay up till the wee hours of the morning, then wake up at them; I truly am a hardcore nightowl (have you ever checked the times on these posts? LOL).
Want to know something else random? Just ask!!
Labels: d/d, d/s, personal info, randomly me, tag style
About me
- rivka
- The South, United States
- My profile
In Dreams
"And in dreams I am free
falling into what is not;
what will be what is.
It's this intense hatred
for reality twisted
in an obsession of hope
Defy the stagnant
life that speaks only
what can be but wills not.
God's grace,
not my self fear
of what I think
I cannot be."
-rivka
Blogs I Like
- Loving DD
- Spanking Bethie
- Wheelsucker (Jo's Blog)
- Joannie Writes
- Sue's Place
- Bottom Smarts (Bonnie's Blog)
- Life In Motion
- Chris's Blog (Sparkle's husband)
- Caia's Journey
- RandC Personal Correction
- My Spanko Diary
- Pieces (SarAdora's Blog)
- Susie A's Journal
- Whisperings Of My Soul
- Leah's Blog
- Christian Domestic Discipline
- The Spanked Wife
- Head of House
- Spanking Good Time (Tiggr)
- Bliatz
- Dave and Am
- Domestic Discipline Diary
- Cease Resistance:Spanking Ree Again
- The Enchanted Palms Blog (Lenora's Blog)
- SarAdora's Spanking Erotica
- Fiction In Motion
D/d & Spanking
D/s - Submission
Other Stuff
Last posts
Archives
- October 2005
- November 2005
- December 2005
- January 2006
- February 2006
- March 2006
- April 2006
- May 2006
- June 2006
- July 2006
- August 2006
- September 2006
- October 2006
- December 2006
- January 2007
- February 2007
- March 2007
- April 2007
- May 2007
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