The side of my life that grows and changes with my interests and discoveries pertaining to the D/d and D/s world, with respect to my spiritual convictions/sensibilites. (This page is best viewed in Mozilla Firefox)

We've been working hard on respecting each others' needs, desires, and positions. Lately I have been trying to be more submissive and respectful to him, and he has been trying to take up the reigns of leadership more thoroughly. Today, something happened and I got (justly) pi$$ed off at him and proceeded to go into a rant. Now, be it just or not, we have discussed my "freaking out" on him when I'm mad instead of calming down and talking like a sane person. I always feel bad afterwards because all it does is stir him up and we wind up in a full blast fight over something that could've been settled quietly and simply. And today, as I began my onslaught, he very calmly asked me to settle down. I marched right up to him and just kept right along. With that, he (still calmly) picked up a ping pong paddle laying on the pool table and put it up to cover my lips, "Calm DOWN." I stopped for a moment and looked into his eyes. For the first time (in this sort of situation), he took his position seriously and pulled me back in line. Thankfully I had the brains to calm down and talk more sensibly. He kept the paddle there and shushed me while he said what he had to say, then put it down and let me say what I needed to say. Because he took control of the situation, the whole thing was over in less than three more mintues and we were back to hugging and kissing each other.

That may not seem like a whole lot to some of you, but for us it was a very big step. And I'm a very happy and agreeable person right now, instead of a moody, sulking witch. Therefore, I dare say we're moving forward.... *G*



My story of how I got into the spanko/kinky world is probably both stereotypical and unique at the same time. I always knew I liked spanking; played spanking games with my kid friends before I was even in grade school. Because I grew up in a very conservative household, the sexual side of it (anything for that matter) wasn't even a factor until I was a teenager and discovered the wonderful internet world. *g* After learning enough to be sure getting caught wasn't a problem, I set out to meet all my curiosity's needs.

Convictions kept me from getting wrapped up in most porn, but I found a way to excuse myself from that panging in my heart by *reading* - and read I did. One of the first things I ran across was a spanking story board. All of a sudden, all these weird feelings I had concerning that subject suddenly made perfect sense. But that didn't change the fact that I still thought I was a freak.

The first boyfriend I had came at about 13 going on 14. Because I was still very naive, I thought I was in love and proceeded to pour my life's secrets out to this boy. I eventually confided in him my secret spanko desires. He was OK with that. But when I went a step further and started talking about D/d, D/s type things... he flipped. We weren't together much longer. The next relationship I had was a turning point in my life. I didn't expose my "deep, dark secrets", but I was still very naive and wound up in a very bad predicament. After that, I hated boys/men and sincerely thought I could never trust another one in my whole life. My dad didn't help at all.., but that's another story.

I imagine God saw my distress and decided to answer my prayers, because soon after he sent me my S/O (whom for several reasons I will refer to as "Rico" on this board). We've been together 3 years now and are engaged!

In short, Rico is perfect for me. He never knew terms for his "secrets" and "desires" before he met me, but now he does, and we're learning more every day. Although I'm sure the exact definitions could be argued and whatnot, but for the purposes of this blog I'll define our relationship as a personal mix between D/d and D/s. However, many sexual things are excluded at this point because of both our spiritual convictions. After marriage, however.... *weg*


Edited in (Jan. 2007):

About Me.

Well, I'm the submissive of a (slowly intensifying) D/s relationship with my wonderful Dom, Rico. We've been together 3 years January 27, 2007 and plan to be together the rest of our lives.

Our situation is slightly complicated in that we're not married yet, and still living with our seperate families. We're getting married in May of 2007, though, and goodbye complications!

Some specifics you should probably know:

Believe it or not, Rico and I do not have sex (of any kind) and will not until we're married.
We are both sincere Christians (not Catholic; protestant). Because of the convictions we both have about that type of thing, my writing on this blog will never contain explicitly sexual material. By explicitly sexual I mean: descriptions of sexual acts and/or sexual parts.
You get the point.

Comments that consist of sexually explicit speech will be edited or deleted.

Also, please don't take it the wrong way if I do not link to your blog. There are several reasons I may do this. If you see that I haven't and care to know why, email me and I'll (honestly) explain.

I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this blog, and feel free to email me or Rico anytime. Our addresses are:

You're beautiful so high
...a height only you can appreciate

They can't because they're blind
...or maybe it's the mist around your mountaintop that's clouded the view?

A blow has shaken your core
...the unplanned eruption has humbled your stature

Painful submission becomes beautiful
...can they tell you've changed?

You're beautiful so high
...a place whose end comes quickly

This time you've shattered to peices
...a broken slave to your own heart

Botched obedience and resolute consequences love it.

You desire to please, to adore
...they're so oblivious

Beautiful submission you're learning
...a place he appreciates

A depth of your heart
...a realm of your trust and your nature

Devoted gratefully to he who is your heart
...the one who thinks you truly are beautiful

About me

  • Intro (with up-to-date edits)
  • In Dreams

    "And in dreams I am free
    falling into what is not;
    what will be what is.

    It's this intense hatred
    for reality twisted
    in an obsession of hope

    Defy the stagnant
    life that speaks only
    what can be but wills not.

    God's grace,
    not my self fear
    of what I think I cannot be."


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